Judge — October 2, 1920 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

[ JOUNSON’S STURDY fool-WEAR. « A) ree ALP CARPw “FOR THINGS ARE NOT AS REPRESENTED, AND I Ast DAILY STUNG. The Shoddy World By Watt Mason Illustration by Raven Barton M always trying to be cheerful, I’m always striving to be glad; yet oftentimes my eyes are tearful as I go drilling round the grad. My soul is often discontented, though many gladsome spiels I've sprung. for things are not as represented, and Lam daily being stung. It’s hard to raise a cheery twitter, and with glad smiles your face bedeck, when every time you mect a critter, you get the harpoon in the neck. I bought some garments. nice and gaudy; “they are all wool,” the dealer said; but they're the cheapest kind of shoddy; the dye has changed from black to red. The legs are warped, the seams are busted, the coat is split, the vest is shrunk; what wonder that I am disgusted, and think the whole world fierce and punk? How can I sing of Romes and Greeces, and all the oried marvels there, when all my rags are gone to pieces, and 1 have nothing fit to wear? This optimistic stuff was pleasant before the grafting craze began; but in the living, ghastly pres- ent, how can one work the Sunshine Plan? The gas I buy to run my wagon is anything but gasoline; the man who named it had a jag on, I trow and wot and wist and ween. The sparkplugs foul and quit igniting, the cylinders all miss like fun; and evermore I’m scrapping, fighting, to get the blamed old bus to run. Time was when that same boat went scooting along the pike, a gladsome thing; then gayly was I lyring, luting, and hear me sing. Then gas was gas, and my old motor went sizzing by the wolds and fens, the while I winged the passing voter, and ran down cows and dogs and hens. Then life was gay and full of pleasure, and motoring a thing of glee, and I trolled forth a joyous measure, until my auto hit a tree. Oh, when one’s car is running finely, upon a high’ long and clear, then one can warble forth divinely a madrigal of hope and cheer! But when six cylinders are missing, and something breaks word and a hissing, and optimism people paused t at every pop, hope is a will not op. Alas, I find it useless talking these cheerup happy rigma- roles; this morning when I went forth walking, my uppers parted from the soles. I bought those shoes at Johnson's Palace, they set me back twelve iron wheels; and Johnson said, » help me, Alice, they're first-class shoes, from toes to heels. They ought to last you till you're nearing the bier, the tombstone and the shroud; you will not find me profiteering, I do not try to skin the crowd.” And there I stood, my feet protruding, among the grinning. maudlin throngs; I stood there sadly, darkly brooding, and failed to hand out cheer-up song: No bard can sing of sunny weather, and soothing winds and skies of blue, when standing in the wreck of leather, with all his corns exposed to view. comicbooks.com