Judge — August 28, 1920 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Jost your name on a postal ti el tha sessional bares inspection. See for yourself the arkatie valuce otered (am DY@)\ Ul Pramend rings Write Barnard offers Diamonds at old time low prices. We don't buy Diamonds from cutters of importers. Instead, we pick up bargains from dealer ple who jer at prices pp, (at below wholesale. Zz, Sent to you not one BAe cent in advance to rove we save you S money. Pay only AS baraaln price if eat- Pe isicdafter examina- w tion. Return it if not Wesselton Damond."/me eet in 14k sold gold hand engraved. ring fatisGed after aceing it pay only $91.15, Blue Wesselton Diamonds set in pure platinum. 1S¢¢ size, of dazzling briliianc; 14k'“American Beauty ring. Order by No. L508, satisfied after inspect pay only $7843. Oreendit back if you don't want it. man's olitaire, Extra heavy 14k eolld gold. Flam. ingly brilliant steel blue white Dismond, perfect cut, full $5 carat weight. Order by No. L507, not one cent tn advance. Pay only $19445 alter inspection if satisfied. Money Back Guarantee ?<""77.""" | says in plain English we'll pay you spot cash or ia Ina year if can find a better bargain! Exchange at fi BARNARD & CO Phone Complaints By Feaotrann Graname Forewatt A TELEPHONE stood at my sid, And from its rubber mouth-piece cried A voice; “In you I'd fain confide I listened eagerly. A wary airy fairy voice- The sort to make a Pan re I'm shelved,” it chirped, “and not from choice— ‘A lonesome phone! ‘That's me.” Wirewail I'm greatest of all carryalls, And found on everybody's walls— From palaces to stable-stalls; Yet none considers me. Of course it’s not occurred to you That telephones have feelings, too; ‘Through talkin, means they're talking Poor me, but not fo me. Tho’ faithful as a Saint Bernard, I'm jerked up rough and jammed down hard; Wom out, I’m chucked out in the yard- Hence this soliloquy The ceiling’s pr the lamps, the rugs; “Piano's great—fine porcelain mugs!” While I acquire phonetic bugs— For no one flatters me. Cuticura Soap — Imparts —— The Velvet Touch I talk until my cells are sore, And when long-winded gossips bore I only ask a nickel more, ‘o feed my battery I cover lands and cellar seas, I bring the lost child’s mother case— I've put some kings down on their knees! No compliments for me The new-bom life I often save, I yank the old back from the grave, I make the murderer behave Still no one talks to me. I buy the meat, I serve the banks. In war I fill up thinned-out ranks; When duty’s done, do I get thanks? No such good luck for me In taxicab or Paris Bourse I make my victim leave his purse; I'm everywhere but in a hearse For dead ones can’t see My only get-back is to nab A fortune for three minutes’ gab; I'd give it back for just one blab Of friendliness to me. Epiv Oh, Alexander Graham Bell Complete your work, my gloom dispel! Take time to call me up and tell Me I'm your friend! Just me Drown by Hoom Mackay Esorp Urto-Date on tue Ham” 32 “Tue Tortoise axp SEXOLOGY by Willim H. Walling, A. M., M. D, imparts in one volume: Keowledge « Yours Man Should Have Keowledge « Young Hesbaed Should Have Koowleds: father Should Have Keowledge a Father Should lapart to His Son Kooga! Keowiedge o Heshand Should Hare sowledce a Yours Woman ve vine, Keowledae « Yous Wile Sheald Have ica. Kaowledge a Mother Should Have nseerainme Keguledge Mother Shoald impa:tte Her Desehier 92.35 pertoala ledge a Wile Should Have Write tor “Ovner Propie’s Opinions” ant Table of Consents PURITAN PU Sentral, PHILA... PA. GET WELL-BE YOUNG-GROW TALL This University discovery ts the mont important ealth invention of the century. It remakes a: the Human Body. It EereeSereeten. shortened avizesty claminaten conewation oniptves ere O° “Fad waNBiCUATOR 6, 305K havtacs Glug, Coortiond, 0. Y DONT YOU Write THE WORDS FOR A SONG WELL MELP-vOU ALONG erie WREE and pebilsbing oaar 271 W. 125th St... ¥. ROMEIKE’S feat CLIPPING BUREAU send yc | clippings which may appe: | fect on which ep to | paper or dical of stance in the 0 for 100 clippings. NRY’ ROMEIKE, 106-110 Seventh Ave The Kicker “Well, what are you kicking about tonight? You've held good poker hands all evening.” “But nobody else has held anything to come in on.” Nothing in It “Five dollars for this musical comedy “But think of the cost of production: “Tut! Why, they don’t even wear clothes.” A Boost for Suburban Real Estate Towner—Why do you live so far out? Suburbanite can find so many more excuses for getting home late. Regarding Editorial, Subscription and Advertising Matters SUBSCRIPTION | OFFICES: M Railding, 226 Fi ve, NEW VORK. & Sone. Lid. Cannon Ho England. Annu. Bldg, 225 Fi Avenae, 3 ~ Chicago; Henry Bide. Seartie. g MANGE IN AL as the pew must be rent in with five the number appearing on the fe takes (rom ten days to two weeks tom. York City jours and by post red at the er. | Pub 225 Fifth Avenve. Jupce will be glad to cor yntribuiions should always be accom: To2e, by Leslie Judge Company ‘New Vort as Second-ciass htail % fy by Lesiie-Judge Company, 225 ‘Avenoe, New Vork. Reuben P. Sleicher, Prendent. George 1. Sieicher, Secretary. A. E. Rollauer, Tressarer Priated by the Schweinler Press, ‘Address ell correspondence 10 + 228 Filth Avenue JUDGE New York City D oy “Or