Judge — August 28, 1920 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WITH THE COLLEGE WITS epressible, Joyous, Irresponsible Emmarrassine sttvation or Mr. Ore Torer IN THE RECENT CYCLONE IN KaNsas.—Carnegic Tech. Puppet. Ode to Insanity I met a maid upon the street, She was most wondrous fair, Her eyes were bright, her lips were red, And golden was her hair She smiled at me a soulful smile, My heart beat fast with glee; But I was but a timid lad, As timid as could be She “fussed” around the letter-box, A flower to be picked; But I stayed on the other side, And swore I should be kicked. But finally she came across, And asked me for a stamp; And thus I strolled along with her, I knew she was a “vamp.” Next week I sadly packed my trunk, And bade good-by to school; The “League” called me a “sinful wretch,” But I was just a fool.—Yale Record. Alma Mater By Joux D. McMaster, Princeton, ‘20 ARVARD has her f in track, A fF wins at tea, But for scholarship and spirit N in beat the Today in ink, to th The only college in the | That pays the We'll mingle tears As we look back at the old mail Of our bright college years, today, Our years at the I'S. ( Gertrude You were born In an up-state county, on a ranch, Over forty miles from the railroad. And at home You ate in the kitchen, Along with the hands, fresh from the barn-yard. And you had “*Spuds,” and salt pork, and “sinkers,” Instead of club sandwiches and chicken & la King. But by the time you were a sophomore You could choose the most expensive dishes on the menu At the first glance. Truly a college education is broadening. But it is also hard on my pocketbook. California Pelican, Mabel—On, I pevieve ty spiriTuatisst Now. Sai How's Tat? Mabel—Last xicut | HAD A DATE wiTt A DEAD ONE AND TONIGHT HE CALLED ME UP. —lowa Frivol. ee? ae Customer—Wuy pip YOU LEAVE SOME OF THE FEATHERS ON THIS CHICKEN? Waiter—To “110 KLE YOUR PALATE To Balance Your Check Book from the Stubs You've Neglected to Fill In Take the number of empty Bandoline bottles on our dresser. Divide by your chapel seat and subtract your over-cuts, Add the number of checks left in the book and run around the armory track cight times in open galoshes. Stop the next freshman and add the total number of matches he is carrying. Divide by the size of your Rhet prof’s B. V. D.’s. Multiply by your Army serial number. Divide by the telephone number of the mayor of Bargravia. Take a fresh sheet of paper. Rewrite the figures. Check with your roommat Take a flashlight of it Enclose in a conciliatory note to your father, asking him to meet the overdraft and save the family honor.— Penn. State Froth. lide-rule. His Native State Mrs. Jones (irately)—Anyhow what would you be now if it wasn't for my money. Jones—Single, my dear —Toumy Green, Stanford University, "22.