Judge — August 28, 1920 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Diplomatic See-Saw Hh Stumped sked the butcher for some steak. Said he: “What cut, now, will you take? Here is the bottom of the round. The price is fifty cents a pound—” I looked him keenly in the ey And as I went he heard me sigh: “Tcan't afford it. My shovel scraped the coalbin floor. | dT: * got to have some more.” asked the price by telephone: he coal man’s answer made me groan: “It’s fourteen-fifty, sir, today: 1 murmured as I turned away: “Tcan't afford it.” My trouserloons were wearing through; A great big patch would never do. Thought I: “ The crisis is acute, I guess I'll have to have a suit.” But when the tailor named the price, Nay, I muttered —like that — twice “Tean’t afford it.” But how continue, then, to live? The cost is now prohibit And dying. too, is not so cheap For funerals just now cost a heap, Oh, what a puzzled wretch am I! I cannot live—I cannot die “Tean’t afford it.” —Semerville Journal. Pups and a Boy Some folks likes to go an’ see Circus shows—but as fer me Git some pups, then find a boy, An’ I'll git my, full share of joy! Pups theirselves, when they're Makes a circus all their ow Then just add a boy—an’ g They're a whole menagerie! Boy, he'll kind 0’ make p'tend He’s their oply livin’ friend; Then, first thing you know, he'll jist Give their tails a little twist. Holler! Gosh, but they'll git sore, Then come back to git some more, I've seen pups put up a bluff Like they'd never had enough Boy, he'll chase 'em all about Till their tongues is hangin’ out; Ketch ‘em where their necks is slack. Then—kerflop!—they're on their back! “Iv THE COLLECTOR FOR THE TAILOR CALLS, SEND HIM OVER —.4 Careta (Rio de J OVER THERE TO SEND MIM HER Oh, they'll snarl an’ fume an’ fuss. Till you'd swear you heard ’em cuss; ‘Then they'll sneak away an’ quit Like they'd got th’ worst, of it y, all tired, thinks he has won, But them pups ain’t never done; They just wait to ketch his grin, Then hop up an’ start agin! -Indiana polis A Voice in the Wilderness rs “T MARVEL HOW THESE SPIRITUALISTS CAN cat up Naroreox, Casar, ann Heaven KNOWS WHO ELS, BY SIMPLY RAPPING A TABLE. I'VE BANGED THIS TABLE FOR HALF AN HOUR ANDC AN’T EVEN CALL UP A WAITER.” —Klods Hans (Copenhagen), w lLert orpers XX TO THE OFFICE IT can’t suit Shopping—“I'm sorry you in dress goods.” “Well, the fact is,” said the lady, “that what I really want to buy is a re- frigerator. Detroit Free Press. He Ought to Know Better—There is no use trying to joke witha woman, The other day Jones heard a pretty good co- nundrum and decided to try it on his wife. “Do you know why Iam like a mule? ked her when he went home. No,” she replied promptly. “I know you are, but I dont know why you are —Boston Transcript. he Betrayed Herself—He looked despair ingly into vacancy. “T have had my misgivings.” he said, in a dull passionless voice, “ but now Lam sure. Your laugh shows me you are ut terly heartless.” She turned pale. “Heavens!” she cried in terror, “did 1 open my mouth as wide as that?"”—Stray Stories. Can Speak for One Woman—* One never knows what will please a woman.” “Oh, I wouldn't say that. In the ca of my wife anything beyond our means is sure to.” —Boston Transcript. (Continued on page 20) boo