Judge — August 7, 1920 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Painful Earth By Ricuaky Le Gattenne V HAT a horrible world it is getting to be Nothing but cranks and “efficiency”! Nothing for fun In the world is donc But cach solemn fool Has some brand new rule For putting the sad old earth to school. ‘The prig and the prude and the ass cugenic Tum all to class-room or to clinic And woe to him With no purpose grim But who dares to play In this serious day And laugh and grow fat in the kind old way! With button and badge and with uniform The busybodies strat and swarm And poke and pry With prurient eye Lest too gay the dance Or the new roman Be too much like what they read in France. Vo take the laugh out of human laughter Is what these solemn owls are after It's up to you Or they'll take it too by one The way of the grape and the mastodon Ie Reassured Her An Ameri dependency, the Ph vants are native “boys.” One day, just as she had finished dressing, the boy entered the room “Juan!” ske rebuked. “You should never enter my room without knock ing; you might have fourd me dress “Oh, no, Senora,” he reassured her, “EL watch through the kevhole! How Do You Like This Country ? By ‘Thomas M. Farquiar O you like it as it is, or would you fill it full of organ-grinders soviets and sociology? It is and sauciness. 1 every citizen now it country of sassa hopes and hash has full personal liberty to. be as hard as common sense or as soft as a political promise. It has no heritage of ancient mem ruined Pantheons ne intique onion beds—but it has grati- tude that it did not tramp barefooted through the “good old times”; it developed the science of pie and jazz ories—no Drawn ty BATS, NinTit le went to live in that far-away Islaneds, where all houschold ser ding rings in carload lots. and the college yell and “movies.” rates and tnumphant American urcome INNING OM EWHAT RALLY wv \oSaces Waren Eursio ar mie Sreax EXCITED DURING of candidates ¢ melody and deep cellars with mysteries ten in bank books; where everybody yearns to live and see what happens in the newsp: panorama of glorious life in our neighbor's who can feel a reverence for any other land and not feel a ten- derness for a land like this! Tne McNurr Bromiers, VAUDEVILLE ACRO- ver tomorrow; toa fine art. invented dry drinks, filly the pockets of « hundred and five mil vacations, pajamas, the utility of beauty 1s with the price of subsistence; discovered and ships its wed- It is the Country of the hurrah mermaids on the beach, of clambakes dd comfort, of colossal birth- rent-days, ef roof gardens with where poetry is writ where we ride along the utomobile—ah If such there breathe, go mark him well—for he is cither an apostle of the uplift or a profiteer under sus- on by a party platform. pic Business Is Business * Hell “Hello! Is this G. J. Hicks, candi- late for city councilman?” "Yes, “Mr, Hicks, L represent the Paris- ian Cleaning and Dyeing Works. When vou take your hat out of the ring after election, of course it will be badly soiled and pretty dusty, With our superior cleansing process, Mr. Hicks, we can make that hat look like new, May I not—" Bang! Judging by Present Names Mrs. Kosinsky—What were you and Mrs. Ivanovitch talking about just now? Mrs. Capellanneui—We were just looking over the Declaration of Ind pendence and remarking what a lot « un-American names you find among the signers.