Judge — August 7, 1920 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘airy Stories for Taxpayers By Fraxx TH. Wittrass NCE upon a time a govern ment bureau head abolished himself because he realized that his office was a needless and } extravagant federal appendage Once upon a time the govern ment printing office really con served white paper by stopping its issuance of publications urging peo: ple to conserve the use of white paper. Once upon a time a certain middle-class taxpayer was able to pay his city, county, township, state, income and war taxes with out borrowing a single cent to do so. Once upon a time the results of a government investigation more Tit OWNER OF A 30-FOOT ts of the CAT-WONT Drown by Cuvsten L Ganon than paid the entire investigation. Once upon a time government officials stopped investigat- ing petty profiteers and not only investigated and jailed a BIG profiteer but also made him disgorge his ill-gotten Rains. Once uy ti several government officials refused to go upon a delightful junket at government expense on the ground that the trip was an unnecessary expenditure of the taxpayers’ money. Once upon a time the head of a government orders that all employees of the bureau must work eight hours 1 day and have only two weeks’ vacation every year Once upon a time a member of the cabinet acted upon his own initiative in an important matter and nothing happened. Once upon a time a war tax was removed Once upon a time a government bureau with 5,000 ¢m- plovees broke all government efficiency. records by actually ureau issued aun by Caywrons Yousa OScer—Uere! Wuat'd you KNOCK THAT MAN DOWN FoR? THERE WASN'T ANYTHING ELSE TO DO BUT PASTE LIM “He askep se now I'> LIKE AN OLD-FASHIONED BUMPER O° BEER RIGHT OFF TH’ ICE, SO doing twenty-five per cent. of the things it was supposed to acce plish with 1,000 employees. Once upon a time the govern- ment cut out a lot of useless expenditures for crazy experts and applied this money to bringing the postal service hack to a condition of efficiency The Puzzling Part Detective—Would you like to know how that crook raised your check? Mr. Hardup—No; what Vad like to know is how he got my check cashed Time No Object “Here 1 have detained you Falf an hour, Where were you How to Tett a Yacursman going?” ig THE OWNER OF AN OCEAN “I was on my way to inter- GOING STEAMY ACHT h whom 1 have view a client w An appointment.” “Dear me, | am very sorry “Don't worry. My client will keep the appointment.” “Are you sure?” “Quite. He's in jail.” A Similarity Ry Texxysox J. Darr The guinea hen can’t sing a not She has a crackle in her throat, But she is like the average man; He cannot sing, but thinks he can. His Preference “Ts'pose likely.” stid prosperous Farmer Field, “if L wanted to I could afford to junk this racketing, jouncing, jarring old Hootin’ Nanny car of mine and get me one of them big, pomp: ous, smooth-rolling chariots. But, honest fact, [don’t like’em. When I'm riding [ want to know it.” Equality Willis—Then you really think - the world is getting more demo- cratic? Gillis—Surely do, Start a con- versation with any bootble garbage-collector and you'll find they have co shares of the same curb stock that you have. Fxperience Will Tell! “TL like to talk to Jenkins; he’s such a good listener.” “Yes, he’s been married ten years.”” Rumble Black—What does a “rum affair” mean? White—It means a dull party and no rum! bo comicbooks.com