Judge — July 31, 1920 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Oné Enough—The ex-gob, now the father of triplets, proudly displayed his ofispring to his bashful buddy. “What do you think of them?” he chortled “Well.” replied his buddy doubtiully “if Twas you I think I'd keep that onc there.”"—American Legion Weekly. There's one thing I’ve ask you about your life His Army always wanted t she sa in France i prompted the ex-buck tremu- lously. “What did you and the c talk about at meal times?” nel usually The Home ector, Was a Man All Right—Edith Whar- ton, the writer, tells this war story: “The American wounded were being brought in from the Marne battle, and a fussy woman in a khaki uniform and Sam Browne belt knelt over a stretcher and said, ‘Is this case an officer or only a man?’ “The brawny corporal who stood be- side the stretcher gave her a grim laugh and said: ‘Well, lady, he ain’t no officer, but he’s been hit twice in the innard. both legs busted, he’s got two bullets in both arms, and we dropped him thre times without his lettin’ out a squeak, so I guess ye can call him a man.” National Republican Cold Logic Gendarme—HEY, WUAT ARE YOU DOING OUT were? “TRYING TO SLEEP.” “Burt t's AGAINST THE LAW TO SLEEP IN THE STREET.” “THEN RUN ME IN.” “L CAN'T ARREST YOU, UNLESS YOU'RE A ROOK OR YOU'RE HURT.” “So! To steer 1nDOORS ONE MUST BE A MILLIONAIRE OR A CROOK, OR ELSE CET SMASHED BY AN AUTOMOBILE. ALL RIGHT! ‘Tomorrow, ME F SOMEBODY'S POCKET- noox. Gooo-r 420 (Florence) Solving the Servant Problem Hou fh ADOLPH DEAR, LET ME_INTROU MAY KISS HER AS MUCHAS YOU LIKE Beginner's Luck—The third hitch man and the no-striper had been sent out on patrol duty in No Man’s Land with strict instructions to get the sniper who had been worrying the company all day Finally the offending Jerry was located ong the branches of a tree. With the utmost coolness the old-timer took careful aim, fired and—missed. The recruit, with teeth chattering, wobbled his rifle to his shoulder, pulled the trig- ger, and the sniper fell to the ground an dead. Disgustedly the veteran of three en: listments watched the performance “No wonder you got him,” he growled “You aimed all over the tree.” —A meri can Legion Weekly Cook’s Guide—The veteran’s son asked to see his father’s book of drill regu- lations. The parent took a bulky volume down from the shelf. “But this.” protested the youngster, s a cook book.” “Certainly,” the ex-warrior replied, “I » my son."—The was a company cool Home Sector. Cruel Words—“ It’s unkind to treat me like this. “Why, Archibald?” “You kissed me good-by when [ went away to war. “When you left you told me you were going to be a hero, but judging from the buttons, helmets and other things you brought back, you were only a souvenir hunter.”"—Birmingham Age- Herald, 2 ck YOU TO OUR NEW eLncTRIC Main, You ockholm) ONIHEFARM Idle Embellishment—* The farmer is no longer depicted with hayseed in his hair.” “I should say not tossel. “Hayseed is too v cessity just now te be used merely as an article cf personal adornment.” Washington Star, said Mr. Corn a ne- tuable Not for Him—* Naw, I wouldn't like living in New York.” “Why not, Uncle Heck?” “IT den’t sce no place to pitch horse- shoes.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Helpful Elimination—* Well,” said armer Corntossel, “I reckon I’ve done a pretty good afternoon's work.” “But all you did,” commented Jud Tunkirs contemptucusly, “was to. sit on the fence and whittle Yes; but what I whittled up was the family ouija board.” —IWushington Star. ‘If some of the real good- n Farmer A Risk lookin’ young fellers—" be Corntossel, thoughtfully. “What about ’em?” said his wife. “If they put on overalls— “Yes, yes; go on.” “They're liable to be mistook for farmerettes and put to work!" —IVash- ington Star.