Judge — July 10, 1920 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

paren naas Drown by Bauxsoare Ri “WHAT—YoU PAID $150 FOK THAT HAT —-WOMAN ARE you Map No—wut 1's PLAIN TO BE SEEN YOU ARE “But I have already discovered the perpetuator of the out- rages!” cried Ferret.“ All that remains is to find out who it is.” Cuarter VI Ferret in Love (Expurgated) HEN, through the mediumship of Lili Rippl, the Hot tentot Trance and Conniption Psychic, Ferret discov ered the location of P.O. Box No. 11, he received a horrible shock . Miss Me was not in the box, after all! For hours he had peered through the slit, and still no one came He was at last pushed aside by a superbeauteous lady in red dish hair. From her bag a key was extracted without pain Miter having removed a dozen letters from the box with consum mate skill, she departuated, leav ing Ferret as hopelessly in love 1s any man without eyebrows can hope to be. So excited \ by her lovelitude he felt as if he could claw his way through cleven miles of dense tropical jumble and bite an alligator in the neck Yes, Alice, love is like that, with these pink-eyed men; you ought to try one. They are terrible kissers, though, when infuri ated—one often has to take gas first. Many a girl after having married an Albino has had to have her tonsils removed . . . and one needs tonsils so much, to gargle with Then, what could have been She who had caused such a high temperature in a mere detective? Alas, when you try to describe so loving a disposition as Miss Me’s, the Society for the Prevention of Vice is apt to get after you. But [ll risk it and hint coyly that she did more to make the world go round than other 4,000 females outside Spain, Italy and Rio de Janeiro. Fast time—very fast, she made when she liked you and let herself go. She had a line of 213 y-talk that would make a movie star blush. Why. nd you'd think old Vesuvius wa but goodness!—have you no degree bat she could say just “darlums,” at it again and she did imagination? And so. as Bumley and the nine other victims had been vamped to a tinis, and had quit writing, fearing the responsi bility and the police, Ferret became an easy No. 11 Ciarrer VIL The Limbent Letter ERRET was a married man. ‘To be sure his wife was born in Jersey City, but he liked her— yes, he liked her. And so, next day, he took his newborn love out on a se: rg tug and threw it overboard. That night the Ferrets had corned beef for dinner, and he considered himself safe. But lo, a letter came. And Ferret, gazing at the handwrit- .. $0 passionate in its “F's” and “Us” and with “N.Y. City” spelled out with such wild abandon, knew that it must have come only from Miss Me. Open it? Nay, he was frightified. Hold ing it in his hand (or even in his foot) he could feel its passionate warmth. What heated arguments must there be inside— what fiery words! Carrying the letter in a pair of sugar tongs, he deposited it in his Victrola until he could inter it in chloride of lime. That night Ferret smelt smoke. Descending in his night shirt, he beheld the Victrola bursting into flames. In vain he tried to squench the conflagration; but the heat of Miss Me's passionate yearning soon reduced Ferret's dwelling to ashes But who had set fire to the houses of her ten other correspond ents Ferret never, never knew. In fact, he never knew anything Drawn by Ro B. Feuse Way Wittie Wants an Acrortane