Judge, 1920-07-03 · page 8 of 36
Judge — July 3, 1920 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains three distinct pieces of humor typical of early 20th-century American satire: **"Answer Me That"** (top): A brief dialogue joke about literary productivity—mocking that no new writers have emerged in sixty years, so readers get no fresh material. It's lightweight commentary on creative stagnation. **"A True Patriot"** (left cartoon): The drawing shows a man surrounded by piles of papers/documents in what appears to be a bed. The accompanying dialogue about baseball teams batting being "all wool" versus "cotton" appears to be wordplay conflating patriotic duty with consumer goods—likely satirizing superficial or commercialized patriotism. **"The Afternoon Nap"** (main feature): A humorous essay describing a doctor's prescription for rest being systematically destroyed by domestic interruptions—phone calls, demanding pets, deliveries, children, salesmen. The joke is that complete relaxation is impossible in modern life. **"Rare Treat"** (poem): A brief verse humorously suggesting that while rose oil perfume is luxurious, the speaker prefers the "rare perfume" of ham and eggs—a working-class preference over aristocratic refinement. The page emphasizes everyday frustrations and class-conscious humor typical of Judge's audience.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Well,” said Myrtle Senior, “at any rate it is four o’clock.” She turned to the cringing clergy- man. ‘Officer, do your duty!” And so they were married. Hardly had they committed matrimony when a genuine 20-carat blonde appeared, as if on horse- back (but not really, of course), wearing a $90 hat. “John! Forgive my tarditude, dear, but [ got a note from my milliner saying that this hat was re- duced. I hurried down to try it on, but they gave me only eight hours to decide, and I’ve been working hard in front of a mirror ever since. Mother!” “Call me that no more,” replied the new-laid bride. ‘Henceforth I am Mrs. Jellyjumper. I’m all right, darling, but you are left.”” And, seizing her amateur husband with a non-skid grip she bore him proudly down the deserted aisle. Myrtle removed her hat and filled it with tears. And as for Ferret the Albinodetective, he said he would be jiggered. And he was jiggered; so jiggered that he rushed madly off to a Chinese Restaurant and committed chop-sueycide. (Next week “ The Girl with the Fulgous Hair”) Answer Me That “Looks like we hain’t produced a writer fer sixty years.” “Shore we have. Huh!” “Then why don't the third readers get some new stuff?” Drawn by 3. R. Seaven A True Patriot Drawn by C, W, Kances “Our TEAM IS A REGULAR IN-AND-OUTER.” “Yes, SOME DAYS THEIR BATTING IS ALL WOOL AND A YARD WIDE, SOME DAYS IT'S ONLY COTTON BATTING.” The Afternoon Nap By Here Firzceratp Sanpers EING nervous and “run down” from overwork, the analytical neurologist advised me to take “complete rest, relaxation anda napin the afternoon.” Accordingly I lay down and elaborately closed my eyes, pitching my con- sciousness to the key of rest, and indulging in a: mental moving picture of sheep jumping over a stile, with the net result that: The telephone rang, and when I vaulted precipi- tately down-stairs, Central said in phonographic tones: “The party who called you has left the line.” The family dog, who when he is in desires to be out, and when he is out desires to be in, being out, whined stridently to get in. The grocery boy arrived with the C. O. D. order. The baby began to play with the new train of cars. The laundry man appeared with the clothes, most of which were missing. A friend called up to find out how I was feeling and to ask if I had heard of the advance in the price of butter and eggs. The postman came with the bills and two circulars. An irrepressible agent descended upon me, clo- quently acclaiming the manifold virtues of a prepar- ation to be used as shoe polish, cleaner for rugs and chiffon, an ointment for burns, bruises, colds on the chest, for washing windows and shining silver or stop- ping nose bleed, etc., etc. The children came home from school. Then, being much refreshed, I arose and cheerfully resumed the duties of the day. Rare Treat The rate perfume of oil of rose Is very nice, And held in high esteem by those Who have the price. To class with them I don’t presurac. My spirit begs But to inhale the rare perfume Of ham and eggs.