Judge — July 3, 1920 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Draea oy R. B, Fouure Tue Proriteer. She—Don’t Co It, Georce—I’ve Atreapy Pato His. A Ballade of Conviction By Carouyn Werts 1™ told I wield a facile pen, They say I have a pretty wit; My audience applauds me when I make a joke or clever skit. I’m caustic, I acknowledge it, And sometimes I may knock or roast things, But, as Ford said, I will admit , That I am ignorant of most things. Sitting complacent in my den, I read strange tales, by masters writ; Their matter is beyond my pen, I shake my head, my brows I knit. Thovgh I’ve my share of nerve and grit, I can’t believe in spooks and ghost-things; I’ve never scen weird shadows flit, Oh, I am ignorant of most things. It fills me with despair; and then I hie me to my writing kit, But though I try and try again, I can’t with Highbrows make a hit. 1 like, of afternoons, to sit And gossip o’er the tea and toast things; But can’t with pride myself acquit For I am ignorant of most things. L’Envoit Ford, you have jawed me quite a bit; T’ll say there are, from coast to coast, things On which to comment I’m not fit; Yes, I am ignorant of most things! Tee-He! Wife—Did you ask Mr. Gumpers to play golf with me this morning? Husband—Yes. Iam going to play him for real money this afternoon, and I know I can beat him after he has been playing with you. The Batefulness of Gossip By Tou P. Moxcan “T OOSE talk is a powerful dangerous thing,” philo- sophically said a citizen of Sandy Mush, Ark. Somebody that ort tokave been in better busines told Hamp Slathers they'd heered it whispered that his brother-in-law, Bud Rubb, had a bottle of good licker hid out, and it happened that at about the same time somebody else let Bud know they understood Hamp had a vial of fine old rye stuck away some'rs. And then, sorter for good measure, they hinted to the rest of us that both of ’em had the vile stuff secreted as aforesaid. “Well, them two gents Hamp and Bud, although nacher’ly hating each other like such kin are bound to, kept hanging about each other continual, a-licking of their mouths and insinuating. Next thing, one of ’em asked the other what in jamfire he was linger- ing around for if he didn’t aim to do the right thing. and the other answered, that that was presizcly what he wanted to by-gosh know, himself. Directly they began to remark about liars and such like, and then torein. I’ve seed some right lively anecdotes in my time, but I never had the pleasure of witnessing any- thing equal to the ferocity with which them gents battled. 1 reckon if a passel of us fellers, that had been sorter watching ’em night and day since we first heered the rumor about the bottles, hadn’t been on hand to rescue ’em they'd have plumb demolished each other.” No Use Visitor—So you've got another baby at your house? Willie (whose father is a politician)—Yes; in spite of the referendum that we kids held against it, too. Drawn by Cursten I. Ganve “Present Company Atways AccerteD.” comicbooks.com