Judge, 1920-06-19 · page 11 of 36
Judge — June 19, 1920 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis of Judge Magazine Page This page contains two humorous short stories with satirical illustrations: **"The Siren"** by R.C. Guest presents a comedic reversal: the narrator describes his wife as physically unattractive (misaligned eyes, missing teeth, poor posture) yet claims fascination with her. The joke satirizes romantic delusion—he's so eager to justify marrying an unappealing woman that he frames her obvious flaws as "interesting" and "fascinating." The illustration (by Lano Campbell) depicts a woman wading in water, likely referencing the "siren" mythology absurdly applied to this ordinary figure. **"The Will to Conquer"** by Harry Irving Shumway uses life progression (age 5 to 80) to satirize masculine ambition. The narrator constantly pursues grand conquests—the world, industry, golf—yet repeatedly fails. The running punchline: he's ultimately conquered nothing except "Mary," his wife, whom he cannot control. This mocks men's inflated self-perception about their accomplishments while hinting that marriage represents defeat rather than victory. Both stories employ self-aware male narrators whose aspirations comically exceed their actual achievements, a common Judge magazine theme mocking contemporary masculine pretensions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Drawn by P. D. Jouxaox The Siren By R. C. Guext HE wasn’t exactly handsome, and yet you couldn’t call her plain. Her features were irregular but interesting, as I heard one of her friends remark. . For instance, one pearly ear of matchless heauty was an inch or so lower than the other. And her teeth were so interestingly different from the usual. The absence of two of them in front relie ved the monotony of the faultless rows of molars that most girls have. Then again she had a habit of holding her mouth open so that if there was the slightest breeze stirring, it would whistle weirdly in and out of the space between her teeth. Her eyes were a fishy blue and slightly crossed, so that in walking she couldn’t help tripping over her own feet. She also toed-in a trifle and when she sidled down the avenue, daintily tripping in her own charmingly original way, people stopped to look at her. It used to gratify my vanity to be stared at so whenever I went out with her. In fact, I. may as well out with it, I found her so fascinating that I married her. And ours has been the happy union. She never boresme. She is a = continual source of interest. I keep pynen ty Lavo Caurorae Tue Mots anv THE FLAME The Will to Conquer By Harry Irvinc Suumway T five I had tried to conquer father’s pipe. At ten I meant to conquer the raging main and be a sailor. At twenty I was out to conquer the world. At thirty I was trying desperately to conquer a woman with a terribly strong will. It was Mary. At forty I was trying to conquer the prune industry. Mary. I had married her. At fifty I was trying with all my might to conquer the wicked seventh hole, Bogey six. Also Mary. At sixty I was having a devil of a time conquer- ing an overpowering desire to sleep while people were talking tome. Also Mary. At seventy I was fairly busy con- quering a bit of gout, a difficult problem in chess—and Mary. I write this onmy eightieth birthday. I have been trying for a long time to reach ‘© my pipe on the table. Once I could have made it inone bound. I had almost con- quered the distance when Mary rappedmy hand and pushed me back into my chair. Dammit, I never conquered any- thing but Mary. Also Hardly “The wages of sin is death.” finding new things wrong with her “T shouldn’t call that a living wage.” every day. Old Hen—You Ovcut to Be Asuasten ro Go tn Swnounc Wrrnout Your Batutnc-Sutts! " comicbooks.com