Judge, 1920-05-15 · page 8 of 36
Judge — May 15, 1920 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Good-Bye" by Harry Irving Shumway — Judge Magazine This is a humorous essay with accompanying illustration satirizing the modern difficulty of saying goodbye—particularly between courting couples. The piece mocks how people (especially young men courting women) cannot end conversations decisively, instead adding multiple "false endings" that drag on indefinitely. The essay catalogs the stages of an elaborate goodbye: the initial phone farewell, the "sad song" by the umbrella stand, the porch scene requiring cigarettes, and romantic recitations from literature. The illustration depicts several figures in what appears to be an interior setting—likely representing the various awkward stages described: men in hats lingering, a woman seated, and various poses suggesting the prolonged, repetitive nature of the goodbye ritual. The satire targets contemporary courtship conventions and the emotional theatricality young men employ to extend romantic moments, while also poking fun at the genuine difficulty both parties have in achieving actual separation. It's essentially early 20th-century commentary on relationship awkwardness.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
are re a gas SSS So gS. oS wen er + er ' y Wanres De Ma Good-Bye By Harry Irving Siumway NE of the most difficult feats in conversation is putting the bye-bye in its proper place and let- ting it lay. People simply cannot say good-bye in a final manner. We put a tail on our conversation and then build a head on it This ad infinitum habit is just terrible on us fellows vho have vivisected telephones. We go to the phone with a half-formed idea of calling up a friend. On lifting the receiver to the ear we find a feminine voice sayin Well, good-bye, dear. I'll see you tomorrow morning at ten-thirty.”” Whereupon if we are men of acute calibre we sit down and light a half-hour cigar and smoke t up before venturing near the telephone again. Had the sweet voice said: “Good-bye, | am going to Afric tomorrow,” there would be a chance. But the voi knew darned well she would meet a body at 10.30 the next day, hence the necessity of saying farewell with the proper polishing and tapering off. The young man who relinquishes the society of his mate under pressure of the peculiarities of the clock is the prize Hubbard, though. He has special stages for the fond farewells better rehearsed than any scene a person by the name of Belasco ever did and with far <uperior lighting effects. He begins by telling her it is late. It is the same tragedy it was the night before last only more poignant The nights get more cruel as they go on. Somebody Vury Vou. Not on the clock or something travel on skids. She agrees that it is J they clinch The next re is out by the umbrella stand in the hall. With one foot on the floor and the other on the head of the tiger skin rug he begins his good-bye song in in a minor key. It is still sad. A sound at there may be life up there or uel of fate ar rs suggests tt ind they move to the d Here he twirls t ghts, newer ways to expre Ily feels. It is here that she ies which are hastily suppressed because it upst ¢ door knob to stir up fresh how good-byey he ts an attack of the night hour he can seem to get his second sleep to nd if this does happen there will be hell to pay sce if there isn’t! If the temperature is above thirty degrees they now vo out on the porch which is the only place to say good-bye at anyway and do the thing up with a romantic slant. Here he has to have a cigarette. If she is not half dead with sleep now, she says he cares more for his old tobacco than he does for her, so there. Whereupon the young night watchman takes it on high and really begins to say yood-bye as if the dark river might be the terminal of his journe: If there is a hedge on the front lawn they go out there, the hedge being still more romantic than the old porch. Here he will recite something from Scott and nothing can prevent him unless he leans against the comicbooks.com.