Judge, 1920-05-01 · page 15 of 36
Judge — May 1, 1920 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces of satire: **"What's in a Name?"** — A poem mocking women whose names don't match their actual characteristics. The satire works by pairing female names with their stereotyped meanings (Rose, Lily, Maud, etc.) against the mundane or contradictory realities of the women who bear them. For example, "Lily" has rosy cheeks despite the name suggesting paleness; "Angelica" should be in jail; "Stella" isn't stellar. It's sharp social commentary on the gap between feminine ideals and reality—poking fun at both naming conventions and women's actual lives. **The philosophical dialogue about drunkenness** — A satirical piece attributing contradictory quotes about drinking to famous philosophers (Schopenhauer, Swinburne, Plato, Omar Khayyam), debunking their personas. Omar's claim he never drank, yet his famous poem celebrates wine, is the clearest joke. The piece mocks how historical figures' reputations don't match reality—similar to the "name" poem's theme. Both pieces satirize the gap between appearance/reputation and truth.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Drawn by Nonwax Axtnosy Mrs. Piump’s Fixeo Ipea “'Tis better to have lived and lost (your never to have lived at all!” SCHOPENHAUER: The Will-to-Live is a torm of intoxica- tion, and sobricty is a form of katzenjammer. SWINBURNE: 1 was only drunk in public; secretly, I fed a respectable life. PLATO: Drunkenness is an Idea that existed in the Eternal Mind prior to all Sousosity. I was not for drink nor against drink in my time—I just drank. I obeyed my jinx. OMAR: Tnever drank a drop in my life. Twas a respectable astronomer. The ‘ Rubaiyat” was written by an old drunken lens grinder in my employ. How my name got on the crazy thing I never knew. I picked these out as the most illuminauve answers to the questions at issue. No one an- swered directly because the heel and toe work among the spirits is sometimes lost by the cross- ing of contrapuntal wires on the keyboard of ihe cosmos. A composite answer of these geniuses on the question of alcoholic usages would probably resolve itself into an epigram such as, “The thirst is mightier than the pen.” Probably “Some think Mars 1s signaling.” “Do they want 2 government loan?” How It Was Vtsiter—What's the population of your town? What’s in a NameP By Epwanp W. Baawarp HAT’S ina name? That witch called Rose As lily-cup is pale, While Lily’s checks are jacqueminots That sing of summer through her veil. Maud knows hay only in the bale, Her only garden’s in a frame. Angelica should be in gaol! What’s in a name? What's in a name? Rebecca goes ‘0 no old well for Adam’s ale. Eve—'tis the fashion--Eve wears clothes Nor knows a serpent from a snail. Glib Jenny is no nightingale, And Hester stranger is to shame; Belle is not one despite her kale! What's in a name? What’s ina name? I will depose Mmerva’s an unlettered frail. No star is Stella, though in shows. She twinkles for the t. b. male. Cecilia doesn’t know a scale; Blanche is that husky, dusky dame Before whose washday 1re we quail. What's in a name? I pray for Patience, then I rail. She simply will not play the game! While Grace—but that’s another tale! What’s in a name? Natise—Well, we call it 5,000, the Chamber of Commerce calls it 15,000, the census calls it 3,000 and our nyal town of Swampburg calls At 150, Draven by Bargsoace Rocens Real Estate Broker—lasten—tie place is only mortgaged tor exgnt thozsand dclars—it's worth at Vl sell it for five, and take your car. and bull dog as part paym ave for the balance rd inc