Judge — April 10, 1920 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

r ‘ Mother—Will are you payir Fair Enough By Harry Irvine Siumway HE judge had one of those kindly, judicial faces, I you know the kind, white hair, gentle eves and noble features. He was just the sort of man you would want to trust yourself to, feeling confident of fairness and mercy irst case,” read the clerk. “A. Rhode Hawge, charged with driving his car on the wrong side of the road and more specifically with taking the front left wheel off a family man’s flivver, who was minding his own business on the right side of the street.’ “Guilty or not guilty?” asked the judge. “LT guess I’m guilty,” faltered the man. “You have said,” answered the judge. ‘Your punishment is to be pickled to the neck in a barrel of Vinegar. After ten days you will be cut up into little pieces and sold at so much per pound; the proceeds of such sale to go towards defraying the expense of a new wheel for the family man’s car. Next case.” “George Phathead, who is charged with trying to squidge in between two approaching cars on the high- way, the space between said cars being at the time of said squidging of ample room for a small tricycle. The resul uch wreckage to three cars and passengers therein. “George,” ordered the judge. court can see what you look like. George?” “Stand up so the How are you feeling, ne, Your Honor. I wasn’t hurt a bit.” “Well, you will be,” retorted the judge. “It is the court’s order that this George person be taken outside 26 the city limits and there massaged with a steam roller until he is, by the calipers, the exact thickness of one thin hard dime. This will teach him how admirable a trait discre tion is. Next on the docket.” “Percy Applebean,” read the “who is charged with speeding in a reckless manner, knocking people about and otherwi making himself a nuisance on the highway The resulting damage was mostly to property. only minor personal injuries being suffered by the innocent and unfortunate people who hap pened to be in the same county at the time. “Percy Applebean,” recited the jud “You are to be taken at sunrise tomorrow morning and escorted to the zoo. There you will be fed to the lions. Let this be a lesson to you. Next case.” Claude Lovelace,” droned the clerk. “He is charged with driving his car with one har The other hand, with his arm, was wrapped around a passenger, said passenger being a ladyrof the female sex. Witnesses claim that the car was cutting all manner of figures ur and down the road. Report says also, that Claude is none too good a driver with both hands on the steering wheel.” “Arise, Claude!” bellowed the judge. “Let the court gaze at a man who has the temerity to abuse the highway. What's the matter, hasn't the girl got a parlor?” “Tt was a beautiful spring d. Your replied Claude. “And I feit so romantic and clerk. Honor,” everythin “Claude, you are guilty. Your punishment will be light. Your residence will be burned to the ground, your car given to the Medes and Persians, and you Drown by ROB. Pruien Judge—So, ye're from Edgeville, be a hundred dollars. They ke week in that town. comicbooks.com