Judge — February 28, 1920 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“My Husband” By EOPLE. tell me that band is so clever. That on everything are broad in conception. Great men could not have better. My friends tell me. how happy [ must be to have such a husband I Eucene Locxnart hus: his my “views” done smile! He is clever. He threads his “views” together so. neatly with such remarks as “I told my friend Senator * or “Twas. saying to Judge But it keeps me so busy. [never have time now for Bridge. At times I have had to cancel my luncheon engagements. You see, condensing into a five-minute dissertation the Morals of Marcus Aurelius or the Philosophy of Ibsen, with a climax, Drown B. Iywoon Officer—Now Post Card Pr Personally “WSN’T it wonderful,” says in Punch, looking at his gardener’s labels, the commonest flowers have Latin names!” We all like high-sounding romantic names—all of us, even chorus girls! Look over the program of a really musical!s} the newly-rich profiteer even ‘show and count the Daisyellas and Florimaudes! Did you ever know a man named Smith who didn’t prefix to ita Cholmondeley or Montmorency, or some thing pep- pery to take the flat taste out of it?) The answer is No. Go to a seashore resort, or the mildest surburban district. Observe, my friends, upon the gate, or scrivened above the portal, such theatrical legends, as “Moorside” and “Heavenhurst.” If there be so much as one small tree—even a rubber plant on the porch, the wner will name his home “ Forestmere.” In Harlem-on- the-Heights, surrounded by goats and tin cans and ashes I once marked a dwelling labeled “Murphy Manor.” Bareback riders in the circus cannot jump through a hoop without trailing behind them some Yona or Sin- fire or Mademoiselle Francescaballo. Some are fond of —they sound so foreignly aristocractic. Zorabel! Yet she only earns $18 a week. Isn't it awful, Sarah? “Hell trembled at the hideous name,” says Milton, and he ought to know. Conducted by is harder than writing a play. But my husband handles them well. And it is nice to watch the effect he gets. While my husband shall never buy a reproduces so well! is living I honograph. He Practically Synonymous “Did you sleep on your piece of my wedding cake and have a nice dream?” asked the bride of a week. “No,” replied the bachelor of forty years. “Tate it and had a nightmare.” Past “Do you think the millennium will ever come?” “My dear sir, the millennium was here about five years ago, but we didn’t know it at the time.” No. 7 obloid sELETT BurGess ES Cards to be ¢ n the Contest must Office of r than Ten Days a tof the Probloi Gelett Bure the Issue in which Anno Phe Answe will receive a Prize + which ni of Five Dollars. 7. Every nswer hed in JUDGE will receive a Payment £ On 8. Answers will be published and Prizes of JUDGE after that cont Probl Yes, who would not be “ a name?” Mr. Stillson Smith wanted a name for his new private parlor car, He had made many millions in shoe pegs during the war, and not his twelve automobiles nor his yacht “Breeziesta” could diminish his income Now Pullman cars, you know, are Some Class. Y never saw a parlor car named Smith or Huggins, did you? You did not. Of all domesticated machines the Pullman bears the proudest title. We can call our folding bed Louis Quatorze, or call our Ford all sorts of commoner names when it won't go, but when your »red porter makes up your Upper 9 you want to feel that comfortable sense of sleeping in Woodsideburn or Tunnycliffe at least. Stillson Smith did, anyway. His new platinum Pullman was upholstered in Alaska seal. But it had no name painted on the side. Before he took the trip to Honolulu in it, it had to bear a Name—a gorglorious name that would blazon forth his wealth and happiness —a namc his seven daughters could look upon and not be ashamed. Well, what should he name that private car? That is the Probloid. ravish’t with the whistling of ce The Prize-Winning Replies to Probloid No. 7 Will be Announced in Judge for March 27th comicbooks.com