Judge — February 21, 1920 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“His Manner Is a Cross Berween tue Benaviok or a Justice or THE SUPREME Court anp St. Peter’ Trying to Be a Real Somebody By Harry Irvin Mlustrated by IN have never quite succeeded in being somebody without patterns to goby — Just as a woman snitches a fashion sheet inside the door of the dry goods store (they’re free, but it is so much more sport to apparently swipe one) and goes home and cuts a dress from Number 36a medium stout, so does a man model himself upon lines suggested by history, biography or the man higher up. But these sometimes lead one astray. Men have tried to emulate Julius Casar and, when they ran afoul of some Ides of March of their own making, regretted it. They have copied the man higher up and got pinched. ‘There is only one safe way. Just try and be the man the hotel clerk and the hat boy want you to be and you'll come ace high. Of course you cannot actually please these two. Nobody has ever done that. It’s just like a Civil Service examination; you can’t get 100. Somebody is sure to jog your elbow and queer the thing. But if you cannot reach the standard set by these twain, you can try, and if you strain every nerve you may even- tually get an honorable mention from them. Who has not faced the carefully comed person on castors whose orbit is keys, letters, phone, bell and register? He cannot be said to really greet you. His manner is a cross between the behavior of a Justice of the Supreme Court and St. Peter. You have not come for a room and pitcher; you have come to be tried—and you're guilty before you start. The hotel has one dollar rooms The ads say so. Once a man asked for one and his career was blasted. But there is something about this You Take ‘Tuere Are Two Tests Here: You Give Him tne 3 SHUMWAY | Avsert Hencxt A man of the divided hair that forbids mentioning a one dollar room. So you simply sign the book and say something with a sitting room and “bawth’—Boston pronunciation. Of course he doesn’t beam; he cannot beam. But the gusto with which he pounds the gong for the bell boy betrays his feelings. He approves of you. You are a man of real importance. You may not sit in the sitting room; perhaps you will not bathe in the bath room, but the impression has been made that you are a sitter and a bather as well as a sleeper. To put a foam on it, just ask when the New York mail comes in and you are free for the day “he procedure with the hat boy is entirely different. ‘There are two tests here: when you give him the hat and when you take it from him. You must never give a hat to a hat boy as if you cherished it. Nor must you throw it so recklessly as to give the im- pression that the lid is of no value. What you must do, and it requires great practice, is to make the convey- ance as if the hat was a twelve- dollar one and you didn’t care a whoop about it. Your face must show obliviousness of the value of twelve-dollar hats and that’s all. And for Heaven’s sake don’t stub your toe on the mat which is always at the door. On leaving, reclaim your hat, pay- ing liberally, and if there is someone 4 with you, say to him at the time, 7 “And Mathewson told me that he would use only six pitchers this year.” Then the hat boy will beam. Wuenx Unlike the hotel clerk, the hat boy Hat axp Wuey revels in beams. It he likes vou he From Him is not afraid to show it. \ eae (| In 5 comicbooks.com