Judge — February 21, 1920 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Draven by Stone Hay Judgelets Joun A. Srercuer, President Reuse P. Srercuen, Secretary Penton Maxweit, Editor J A. E, Rottaver, Treasurer A. Waupros, Literary Grant E. Hasuvtos, drt Director Lawtos Macwatt, Managing Editor Look Our! Tuere’s a SNAKE IN THE Grass! N anonymous crank, with the purblind vicious- ness of his kind, has had printed on pale pink slips of paper various violent protests against the use of tobacco in general and cigarettes in particular. These bits of printed hysteria he pastes across the face of tobacco advertisements in the magazines and forwards to their offending editors. Jupce has been favored with a selection of these scurvy and malignant diatribes. The author’s language is un- printable; he breathes a foulness of vituperation that calls for mental sanitation through a horsewhip; his verbal filth will bring him, eventually, to the prison cell toward which he is frantically headed. The outpourings of this particular diseased brain is part and parcel of the huge, paid-for propaganda against tobacco which a certain group of fanatics is disseminat- ing in a frenzied endeavor to legally prevent Americans from smoking. Encouraged by the success of Prohibi- tion this cunning band of “reformers” is busy, through devious and hidden channels, with the complete annihi- lation of tobacco as their ultimate goal. The sane citizen who finds philosophy in his pipe, easement in a cigarette and solace in a cigar will need to be alert to every move of these insensate creatures who drool in type and lie in wait for the propitious moment when they can sneak upon their victims from behind and bludgeon them in the dark. Keep an eye on the men who represent you at the seat of Government. Don’t allow a handful of fanatics to deprive you of another fond privilege in this “land of the free and home of the brave.””. Smoke up! feu AS many times as the House of Representatives denies him a seat, just so many times does Victor Berger say he will’ go up again for re-election. Berger realizes his responsibility. With Prohibition a harsh fact, he is about the only thing left to “make Milwaukee famous.” * . . “Our nation alone can give the world moral leadership.” —Hon. William J. Bryan. And, to spare a modest man a moment of acute embarrassment, Mr. Bryan alone can give moral lead- ership to our nation. . * clear conscience availeth little without a clever lawyer. A state board of health has decreed that the family bathtub, as at present conducted, is unsanitary. Of course it is. Bathtubs should be sealed in tissue paper and served like lump sugar, toothpicks or oyster crackers. Don’t take a bath if the seal is broken. ¢ one * Braving Mr. Anderson, a physician observes, “I believe an old man is entitled to a drink.” Whereupon rise to remark, “A man is as old as he feels, . . * A number of women in Chicago have voted to take steps to rationalize the fashions. There is but, one obstacle to the movement. Skirted as she is, modern woman can’t take steps. * . * ‘a order to soothe the student body during term ex- aminations, a western college begins each scholastic day with an organ recital. Por youth going in to an exam, we can imagine nothing more soothing than “Come, Ye Disconsolate,” sweetly rumbled by the college organist. * . . Owsley Brown, representing the Kentucky Distillers’ Association, offered a gallon of Kentucky’s finest whiskey, free, to any person in the United States who would take “the trouble to come and get it.” This, for- sooth, was enough to bring even Eliza back across the immortal ice in the Ohio River. . . . No: with all his many troubles, now realizes he had a pretty soft time of it. Suppose, for purposes of comparison, that his had been a “Soviet Ark,” and that he had been obliged to chum on Mount Ararat with a cargo of assorted Reds! * . . he number of women engaged in aviation is in- creasing yearly, but a big majority of the gentler sex are still studying the right way to face when getting off a trolley car. * * * Fitchburg, Mass., boasts of a newly discovered balancing rock, six feet high, which has three points of contact with the stone platform beneath, and can be “swayed perceptibly in several directions with- out being dislodged from its position.” This old geo- logical boy should be of interest to presidential candi- dates this year. It has acquired a knack which they would give much to learn. comicbooks.com