Judge — February 14, 1920 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Beauty and the Dictionary She lived next door—a damsel fair, With eyes of blue, and—oh, her hair Was glistening like pure, radiant gold That’s spun by fabled nymphs of old. "ve watched her at her casement as she whiled long hours through, "ve seen her in the mornings as fresh as dia- | mond dew. WI’ve gazed as from afar upon her pretty lithe- hough often have I smiled at her, and an- swered she in kind. And then—I heard her at the phone, And curse the day I pulled that bone! She said, “I seen him,” and, “I’ve went,” And “Can that stuff,” “I bet a cent,” “ Ain’t you right,” and then “I’ve sawn"’— nd now, alas, her beauty’s gone! —Washington University (Mo.) Dirge. Their Nose Knows Sliek—How do you get so many girls? Slicker—Oh, I just sprinkle a little gasoline my handkerchief.—Stanford Chaparral. Shiners Removed Tke—Mike, you just ought to see my girl. 'You know she has the most kissable mouth and little stars. Mike—They come out “Shall I bring you some dinner?” asked the steward of the ship. u “Yes, you may bring me one on approval,” replied the passenger, as he gazed over the Be bounding deep. “I may Mnot want to keep it.”— Cornell Widow. In Harbor Credit—I notice the manager must have been after them to pay last year’s bill.—Washington Sun Dodger. Look Out for the College Wits Contest Number: O many splendid contributions to Judge's S Cottece Wits Contest have been re- ceived—both drawings in color and black and white and MSS. of every character— that we have been compelled to put forward the issue in which all this material is to appear to March 13, instead of March 6 as previously announced. It will be a great and unique num- ber of Judge and the cleverest undergraduates of all the col epee will be represented at their best. Tell your friends about this Cottece Wits Numsper—March 13. The Sour One “How did you like the girl you took home from the dance?” “Awfull” ‘ “T couldn’t kiss her either.”—Notre Dame Juggler. Mixed “Our prof. gave a lecture on Metaphysics in Lampson yesterday.” “Was there a mixed audience?” “Mixed? I should say there was. No one understood a word he said.”— Yale Record. Her Mistake She (soulfully)—Our spirits are in harmony. I can sense an aura about ycu— He—That isn’t an aura, lady, that is hair tonic.— Princeton Tiger. A versatile girl from Seaview Was booked for a speech on “Who's Who?" When the time came, behold! The poor-thing had a cold, So about all she said was, ‘“Ka-choo!” —Penn State Froth. Bolshevistually Speaking “The laborers of today remind me of the old- fashioned parlor matches.” “You mean they’re dangerous to have around loose?” “Rather, and they strike anywhere.”’— Vale Record. Apt Comparison Sober—What's this near-beer that they scll now like? Souse—Well, it’s just like having your girl throw you a kiss. The sentiment is all right, but you don’t get any real thrill —Pitt Panther. F Answered “What's the difference between an old man and a worm?” “No difference. Chickens get them both."— Michigan Gargoyl . Biting “My,” exclaimed Mr, Klumsay at the Sopho- more Cotillion, “this floor’s awfully slippery It’s hard to keep on your feet.” “Oh,” replied the fair partner, sarcastically, “then you were really trying to keep on my feet? I thought it was purely accidental.”—/« high Burr. Didn't Fease iim: Socrates lifted his cup —“What’s this stufl?” he asked. “Hemlock!” replied the cup-bearer. “Qh!” said Socrates, “that’s all right—! thought it was one o/ those d——d substitutes for Beer.—Mass. Tec/: Voo Doo. Exacting “Why did you break off your engagement with that school teacher?” “Every night I didn't show up she wanted a written excuse.”—Michi- Saturday Nights—Showing the Refining Influence of Prohibition.—Yale Record.