Judge — February 7, 1920 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“On, Prant Me Neatu a Wittow Tree Ir I Ca More Hi By Watt Mason Illustrated by EAT too much, the doctors say; I'm always nibbling bales of hay; for steaks of porterhouse and loin 1 spend entirely too much coin. 1 haunt the busy marts of trade and buy up jam and marmalade, and pies and doughnuts fair to see; there’s nothing that’s too rich for me. The learned physicians say, “By heck! You have an apo: On frugal food you ought to fare; your cupboard of everything but beans and peas ani You ought to diet, and plectic neck always should be b: cabbageheads, and things like these. behave like some old hermit in a cave, who eats a crust of moldy bread, and in the streamlet soaks his head. Instead of @ which you buy the best of which the market is possest. Some day, on rich provisions fed, you'll yell and tumble over dead If you would do as we advise, you'd train along with healthy guys, who shun the large and juicy steak, and never have a pain or ache ‘The cost of health is too blamed high; it’s better far, my friends, to die, and slumber in a new-laid tomb, than eat cheap turnips when in bloom, and leeks and lentils, prunes and slaw and-bales of predigested straw. Oh, plant me ‘neath a willow tree, down by the sad and sodden sea, where woozy wavelets go blub-blub, if I can’t have good konest grub. With health we all would be in touch; but even health may cost too much A man must draw the line somewhere; I draw it at the bill of t Have Goov Honest Grus” gh Costs Rateu Bartrox fare, which classes me with sheep and cows, which on punk vegetation browse Lam too fat, the learned men say; [ break the scales when And my complexion is a sign that I've diseases My nose is red, my feet don’t track, and [have My style of beauty makes no hit; this T would weigh. eight or nine. spavins on my back much I'm willing to admit. And yet I might be passing fair, and make the women turn and stare. I might be beautiful, they say, and make Apollo fade away; Narcissus, secing grace like mine, would presently take in his sign. For [ am built in Grecian mold, with port commanding, high and bold, and all I need is to reduce my fat, which is of little use = And that’s a thing quite simply done; [ go outdoors and walk and run, and climb tall trees with catlike skill, and carry anvils up a hill, and shovel coal, and quarry rock, and break my back, and pay the doc The cost of beauty is too high; here in my hammock let me lie, and bask in my accustomed grease, and spend my supset years in peace, And if E waddle when E walk, and if my face would stop a clock, and if the horses shy at me, why then, cogs wounds, so let it be! Oh, health and loveliness are nice, but what fat man woul pay the price? The cost of everything on earth seems three times what the goods are worth. comicbooks.com