Judge — January 10, 1920 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

4 Ramey Nie A The Baggage M: “Trunk brought up? Yessir. Right here. I got him, Jake, I saw him first. Yessir. I’m just goin’ down. Half a dollar—that’s all. Yessir, bring it right up. Oh, the second floor! I'll haf to hire an extra guy to help me. Cost you a dollar. Whoa, boy— Yessir—right ay Steamer trunk, you said? No? Oh, I can’t bring her up fer no dollar. Cost you a dollar 'n a ha’f. Yessir, right up. There’s my license number on the team. Whoa, boy. Just put your name and number on the ticket and let me have the two dollars. Yessir, that’s right. Be up some time tomorrow. Giddap.” —The Record. Noisome There was a young fellow named Fox, Who wore lavender stripes in his sox, And red polka dots, too, On his waistcoat of blue. Good Lord—you could hear him for blocks — California Pelican, Good Night, Nurse! Kid Sullivan (up to his old tricks)—Good morning, little one. Haven't I met you some- where before? Smooth—It’s quite likely. I used to be a nurse in the insane asylum.—Detroit Varsity News History by Ear S. S. Teacher—Now, boys, who can tell me who the apostles were? Wide-Awake Willie—I can, They were the s of the epistles.—California Wampus. hose trousers of yours look a bit worn.” hey’re on their last legs.” —Harcard Lampoon, de ae hs g . we cannot tell you what the little Sour Orel. No, Ced boy is saying!—Kan A Poor Thing Mrs. Prof—My husband's so careless. His buttons are forever coming off. Mrs. Prex (severely)—Perhaps they are not sewed on properly Mrs. Prof—That’s just it. He’s so careless about his sewing.—M ichigan Gargoyle. It Depends “Who are your favorite screen actresses?” asked the freshman “They vary,” replied the sophomore. “A pends on the likes and dislikes of the girl I have with me at the movies.”—Ohio Sun Dial. Are You In on This, Fellows? N the same principle as an intercollegiate O track meet ttt has organized a Cot- tece Wits Contest. Drawings, articles, poems, jokes are sought as entries in this big competition of cleverness. Undergraduates of all colleges are invited to send in their contribu- tions at once. The accepted material will be published in a special Cottece Wits Contest Nusner of Fadee, 10 appear March 6. Each contribution will bear the name, class and college of the con- tributor and each item, whether drawing, article joke or humorous poem, will score for the con- tributor’s alma mater, and will be paid for. ‘The picture adjudged the best will be awarded a specially designed silver loving-cup. ‘The best text contribution will also win a cup of the same character. The college making the best show- ing in miscellaneous contributions will be given a large silver trophy for one year. This trophy must be won three times for permanent posses- sion. All material entered in this contest must be received at the Judge office not later than Feb- ruary 1. Color designs (in any medium) intended for cover reproduction, must be in by January ts. Address, all contributions: llege Wits York City. Postage for the return of material in case of re- jection must accompany each contribution pts ponsible My Dream Girl Oh, dear, I don’t want to go to the Ritz, the food is too rich. Let’s go to Childs’. Listen, Jack; mother doesn’t want me to go to musical comedies. Take me to the movies Orchids are so flashy! Oh, yes, I adore those cute little pansies. Why, ifyou really insist, I'd enjoy a nice, big bag of peanuts, they are so nourishing. Would you mind taking me home in a ‘bus? All chauffeurs have their necks shaved, and I just hate to look at shaved necks.—Vale Record. At the Gallery Connoisseur—I didn’t know you went in for art Friend—I didn’t. Connoisseur—But I see you here every day. Friend—I know. That looks like my old bartender and I’m sorta lonesome.—California Pelican An Ister Anyway “He's been talking an hour on religion. Is he an atheist or a pantheist.” “Neither. An elocutionist.""—/Minois Siren. Heard at the Commons “Well,” said the waiter to the student, who had just had his coffee cup refilled for the seventh time, “you must be very fond of coffee.” “Yes, indeed,”’ answered the student, “or I wouldn’t be drinking so much water to get a little.” —Lehigh Burr. “The amount of money a fellow’s tather has doesn’t seem to cut much figure here.” “No; it’s the amount of the father’s money the son has."—Yale Record. comicbooks.com r