Judge — January 3, 1920 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| Cruel, Cruel World! Kenzelius looked up into her Cadillac bluc Gwendolyn, [ have a confession to make Before our marriage can take place it is abso lutely necessary that yc w that my right leg is ma cork. I that alter your opinion of me? No, loved one. I love you all the more f It is your soul that I love, anc a thing so your sincerity 1 bum leg can have no effect upe divi ine “But Gwendolyn, dear one, I must also admit one else's, and I have a perforated car drum that my jawbone is sor a silver plate in my head a soft palate, reenforced eyebrows, and a toupee “What a wonderful boy! How grand! How true! How noble! How truly beautiful it is to think that after our marriage I shall be able to say that you have in no way tried to deceive me. But Benzelius, dear, perhaps it is my duty to make a confession also.” “ Gwendolyn, love, Lam sure you have noth ing to confess, for there is nothing that could undermine my devoted love for you.” “It’s only a little thing, but 1 think that vou ight to know. I—lI used to be a co-ed, and my wisdom teeth are false.”” And with a groan of distress, Benze staggered towards the door.—Penn State Fro Boyle Revised Why is chemistry like love? Because the lower the gas the greater the pressure.—Mass. Tech. Voo Doo. Too Many Clothes 100 Girls to Wear 1200 Dresses."’—News. paper Headline Now if it was only 1200 girls. Peli The Meeting Moonlight, night of romance Like the nights we all have known While, ever closer, Fate Was drawing each to each, alone Why, they met, but oh, the thought That never more they'll meet again For she—well, she was a Jersey cow And he was a p train One Side of It I say, old top, you aren’t writing to tricia any are you? «ker—Hardly, old dear; I wrote her four charming letters and she did not answer—so I broke off the correspondence.—Michigan Gar Are You In on This, Fellows? © accepted material will be published in a special Cottece Wits Coxtest Nusner * wil bear the nan tributor’s The pict a speciall text contribu racter. "l inisst be won thies Unies sion received at the Jud; ruary 1. Color design for cover reproduct Address all contribut 1, Judge, fF permanent pc ween ammonia s in bottles, the other in chest 28 She Her eyes are deep, intangible, With mystery engrossed But she’s not for me—alas! Her eyes are crossed. —Corn The Nose of Fate He was too young to have become either bad He knew nothing of girls. He had unbelievable as it sounds. ambitions, even inten or bold. never kissed one, However, he had tions, * * * The girl looked straight at him. very beautiful. six inches could be mea sured between his face and her face. He started forward; now was the time to act. He leaned toward her, nearer and nearer, drawing a long breath. Then he sneeze« very girl has powder on her nose.—Prince She was ton Tiger What an Education Does 1st Citixn—That young fellow over there looks like a college man 2nd Citizen—Why? What do you see that’s wrong with him?—California Pelican The Poet Raves °, but it’s great to be insane, ro rave and tear as if in pain, ‘© see green cows and purple bulls, 'o drink raw milk in bucketfuls. To cat raw beans, to capture flies To stick hairpins in apple pies. To place one’s foot behind one’s ear And sail toy boats in cans of beer Just try it once—you'll never again Wish that you were not insane —Stanford Chaparral. Itm and out k wi me t own But be Uh much trip: farthy inter seupy board east tell € Fifth We w do wh not rn write Drawn b comicbooks.com