Judge — January 3, 1920 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

In Doubt—Greene—Where are you living now? Gates—Well, I don’t know exactly Greene—How is that? Gates—It’s this way. I hired apartments, but the old tenants defied the landlord and won't mov Part of my furniture is on the walk, and part in a furniture van. My wife has gone to her mother’s, and the children are with Aunt Kate. [am sleeping on a cot in the gurage of a friend of mine, and my grand- mother has gone to the old ladies’ home until [ can straighten things out.—Brook- lyn Standard Union. new se Enough—“What did they lynch that feller over at Straddle Ridge for?” asked a citizen of Sandy Mush, Ark. “For his initials,” was his reply For his—p’tu!—which?” His initials. They happened to be 1. W. W."— Kansas City Star. The Agony Ads—“I fear this adver- tisement conceals a domestic tragedy.” What does it say?” “Bride will for a fur neckpi Journal. le Courier- Had No Choice“ Alas!’ sighed g C w, “if only Eve hadn’t been “My dear boy, wasn't so very tond of apples, but that forbidden fruit Boston said Cynicus, “ Eve was the only Transcript Contrary —" A furnace fire is just like aman.” “In what way “Tt goes out when you want it to stay in and it insists on staying in when you'd just as soon it would go out.””—Detroit Free Press Not a Bolshevik—Blondine—They tell me Gerty Giddigad was ordered off the floor at the dance the other night Brunetta—Is that possible? What for? “The floor manager said she was an 1Ww.w.” “Bolshevik?” No, this is a different kind of I. W. “What do the letters stand for?” “L WILL WIGGLE.” — Youngs- tren Telegram. The Cart Before the Horse d you are desirou be . | hadi ing Show (London) You Know Him!—*I don’t like to play poker with Smith,” said Brown. either do I,” replied Jones. “If he loses he gets hot-headed, and if he wins he gets cold feet.” — Cincinnati Enquirer Why, Indeed! —“ Are you for a vaca tion for every worker ?”” “No, Why should vacations be lim ited to the few?”"— Bugalo Express. Heavenly Voices se, m'sicur [+ curé, mais je crois que C'est an aéro.” “Hark to the voice of God speakin: through Nature, Jean-Marie.” “TL hear somet the an airplane."—Le Ri Penends b at [thin ming m 't looked on it exactly in that light on-in. I merely wis to marry your daughter.” DIS The Obliging Scot—A Scottish emi grant on his arrival at Montreal stopped for a moment to examine a coat hangirg in front of a clothing store, when the proprietor asked him if he would not try on a coat. “I dinna ken but I wad,” responded the emigrant, consulting his watch; and he went in and set to work. No matter how often he found a fit, he tried on another and another till he tried on about thirty. Then. again looking at his watch, he resumed his own garment and walked off, saying: “Weel, I’ve lost time, nae doot, but hang the fellow that’ll no’ oblecge an- ither when he can!’’—Scottish American On His Way—A man who hailed from Australia came to St. Andrews for a three months’ holiday. He had a very fairt idea how to play golf. Engaging a cad die, he proceeded to go around the course When driving the first tee, he knocked his ball about five yards, and afte he could not take a drive without he turf, His caddie became irritated, and said “Hi, sir, whar did ye larn to play golf?” The gentleman said: “In Australia.” “Weel, sir, if ye gang on in the way ye're dacin’ ye'll soon be hame.”"—M inne- apolis Tribune.