Judge — January 3, 1920 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Draen by Henwan Pacwrn Cold and Distant—" Pretty girl be- hind this soda water fountain.” “So she is, but neverthele: sympathetic bartender. The fact that I have a hard luck story to tell means noth- ing whatever.in her young life.”—Bir- mingham Age- Herald. Took Experience—Mayor Rolph of San Francisco was questioning the wis- dom of a too strict reer “T believe,” he said, “that the ten- dency of the times is expressed by a con- versation I overheard between two farm- ers who were in town seeing the sights. Said one: “I reckon these here city folks are going to have a hard time when all the booze is gone.’ ‘Yep,’ agreed the other, ‘for it takes years to learn which medicines have got the most kick!’ "—Los Angeles Times. Funereal, as Well—"I wish some flowers sent out to one of the hospitals.” “Just so,” said the florist. “What kind now?” something suitable for a gentleman has not yet recovered from a hair tonic jag.” “Ah! In that case lilies would be proper. They suggest purity and_ pes By this time he must be in a chastened frame of mind."—Birmingham Age- Herald. whe Vagrant Thought—* Many a man,” said Uncle Bill Bottletop, “now sings about the old oaken bucket when he is really thinking about a little old tin pail.” Washington Star, I miss the Digest of the World’s Humor Cleaned Out Nothin’ doin’ ‘ere, mate ed plumber’s bill lyin’ on the Opi In the Old Days—“In the early days of the Victorian era they used to say of an old beau that he carried his liquor well. “Didn't have any suitcases in those days, eyether.”- Louisville Courier-Jour- nal. No Need of Delaying the Show * Betfer cut down the wait between the acts,” said the stage manager. “Why?” asked the manager of the theater. “Well, the men don’t need as much time as they used to to go out between acts before prohibition went into effect.” Detroit Free Press The Reason—“ Have you been follow- ing my lectures in the papers on prohibi- tion justification?” ‘0; they're such dry reading. Baltimore American. Allowed to Eat Now—" Will you please give a poor man something to eat?” asked the supplicant at the back door. “Why, I gave you something to eat yesterday, didn’t 1?" came from the woman with the gingnam apron, “Yes, ma’am; but the war is over, you know, and we are allowed to eat every day now.”—Yonkers Statesman. Vague—“ My friend,” said the judge, “vou are a trifle vague about your home.” “T s’pose that’s the reswt of being a vagrant,” responded the party of the second part,—Louisville Courier-Journal. How He Earned It Supposing I give you your supper,” said the tired- looking woman, “what will you do to earn it?” “Madam,” said the wanderer, “I'd give you de opportunity ov seeing a man go Uroo a whole meal without finding fault wid a single ting.” The woman thought a minute, and then told him to come in, and she'd set the table-—Minneapolis Tribune. The Dinersaurus Tl have a steak,” said the man in the railroad dining car. “No steaks t'day, sah, colored waiter “Bring me a couple of chops, then.”” *Ain’t got no chops, either, sah.” “Well, that’s a pretty state of affairs! I thought this was a limited train.” “It am, sah. Everyt’ing’s limite ”” replied the sah.” “But I've only had one egg to cat?” “Yés, sah. De aigs am limited, too, sah!""— Yonkers Statesman. comicbooks.com