Judge — December 20, 1919 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Why He Kept Him— It was a typical West of Ireland estate, and the Sassenach landlord was just driving his newly arrived English guest through the lodge- gates when a bullet zipped by his ear “Good heavens!” exclaimed the guest. “What was that “Oh, only one of my men having a pot shot at me,” replied the landlord. “I rather fancy it was my lodge-keeper.” “Great Scot!” again cjaculated the guest. ‘What will you do with the fellow —have him arrested for attempted murder? Do with him!” repeated the landl Not even discharge him?” persisted Ne the gue “Good gracious, no!” replied the land lord. “Why [ wouldn't lose the fellow for 3 tune. He's one of the worst shots I've ever had « London Tit-Bits he estate! me His Own Grandfather I year I asked my best girl to become my wife, and she said no. But I got even with the girl. [ married her mother Then my father married the girl. Now I don’t know what Lam. When I mar ried the girl’s mother, the girl became my daughter, and when my father married my daughter, she was my mother. Who in —— am I? My mother’s mother (which is my wife) must be my: grand mother, and I being my grandmother's husband, am my own grandfather.- The Cashier B Should Be Well Lathered—Carranza looks like a man who had beaten the bar ber out of about 1800 shaves. What he should have now is a mighty close one. Los Angeles Times Justice—“Why did you strike this man?” “Your honor, [asked him if he knew any way to stop falling hair.” “Well?” “ And he asked me if I had ever tried catching it in a basket?’ “Discharged!""— Birmingham Age- Her- ald. No Chance—We've often thought what a pity it is that a man can’t dispose of his experience for as much as it cost ridge Independent. Financial Standing—“ Why flourish money so ostentatiously the friendly guest “I'm going to order a porterhouse steak,” replied the host. “I don’t want to wait for the hotel to make inquiries to see whether I am able to afford it.”— Washington Star. fo you asked Saved Simoleons—"“I saved cight dollars today.” That so? How?” “They had beefsteak on the bill-of fare, and I took a ham sandwich and a glass of milk instead.”—Detroit Free Press. Excellent Reason—/H icks—You don’t seem to take as much exercise as you used to. Wicks—No; exercise gives me a big appetite and I can’t afford it.—Boston Transcript. A Word from the Wise—Rover—I bright side to everything.” haven't seen a bone in a dog's age, “To those high food prices?” brother. I wonder what is up? rtainly, Think of the cases of Nere—Meat, you poor boob! Why, I became a vegetarian more than two Buffa'o Express “There's a Prevents Overeating indigestion they have cured.’’—Boston Transcript. months ago rs Getting Ready for the Tourists oi ind chose. . nd scems to be do you expect to plan “Nothing much; just two pay-as-you-enter turnstiles.” —Le Rire (Paris) 7 comichoo!