Judge — December 20, 1919 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Draen by StUAME tay Digest of Safety First—‘‘I had an awful scare this morning about two o'clock,” said Mrs. Rapp. “I heard a noise downstairs and I got up and turned on the electric light in the bedroom, and I saw a man's legs sticking out from under the bed.” Phe burglar’s legs?" asked Mrs. Tapp. “No, my husband's legs,” replied Mrs. Rapp. “He had heard the ni before it woke me.”"—Cincinnali Enquirer. The Challenge—“I can make any boast that my husband can make,” said the equal rights lady. All right,” said a man in the audience. “Go ahead and do it. . I just heard your husband say that he’s a man of few words,’ —Detroit Free Press. All Around Disappointment— “Were you annoyed because I sharpened a pencil with your razor?” “Twice,” replied the patient husband. “After I had given up trying to shave I tried to write with the pencil.”"—Wash- ington Star. Getting Into a Habit—W’ife—John, I shall have to get some new clothes this winter. Hub—Great Scott, woman! That’s just what you said last year.—Boston Transcript. Good Proof—Her Husband—Did you take a two-dollar bill out of my vest pocket last night? Mrs. Snoops—Certainly not. Proba- bly you don’t know it, but there was a hole in the pocket where you put it.— Boston Globe. “I don’t know what's the matter with that little man over there, he was so atten- tive a few moments ago, and now he won't even look at me!” “Perhaps he saw r and."—World (L come in. He's my To Insure Silence—Wife (during the scrap)—My dear John, don’t harbor the idea that I am ignorant. I know a good deal more of some things than I care to tell. Hub—I wish, my dear, that you'd fill up with that sort of knowledge.—Boston Transcript. Ingenious — Mrs, Flathush — Where have you been till this late hour? Mr. Flatbush—To the lecture, as I told you before I went. “But you wouldn’t be at a lecture as late as this?” “Oh, yes, I would. You see, the lec- turer stuttered.”— Yonkers Statesman, 1s Popular Scenery—“ What part of the scenery around here seems to attract the most attention?” “Well,” said the farmer, “I’ve studied the boarders pretty close. I should say it’s the ham and eggs on the breakfast table.” —Buffalo Commercial. her, can I go to asked the farmer's Recklessness—" F; the circus tonight? son Father—No. ’Tain’t more’n a month since yer went t’ the top o the hill to see the eclipse of the moon, ‘Pears to me yew're getting dissipated and reckless.— Dallas News. Solace in Solitude—“ What's the idea of sitting in the barn here all by your- self?” “Well,” answered Farmer Corntossel, “if the summer boarders aren't playin’ jazz on the phono; re quarrelin’ over the league of nations, so I’m lingerin’ out here with the cattle and restin’ my mind.""—Washington Star A Bit of a Hint—Townley—Got a letter from our country cousins today Mrs. T.—Ah! Inviting us out to spend the holidays, I suppose. Townley—) ing that they do not intend to run a charity farm this winter. —Boston Transcript. False Alarm—Farmer Hill—What did you take the bell off the cow for? Farmer Furrow—Because every time she moved, the hired man heard the bell and would knock off for dinner.—Vonkers Statesman,