Judge — December 13, 1919 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LL LLLLULILLLULL LI LLYLLEALULIDIYLILLULLULUILTILDILLUTIELITELELEOD December 13, 1919 Quality A Canny Girl By Oscar H. Rorsner HERE was a girl in our town And she was wondrous wise She saw how food was wasting Right there before her S. And so this girl from our town, Who thought such waste a sin, Jumped in her kitchen apron That wasting food to tin. And then this girl from our town, When winter howled and raged, such a fe of plenty She straightway got engaged. Fair Exchange The driver always exchanged bottle: Ik that the grocer didn’t sell the day bef “And what do you do with all this milk th ft over, John? “Oh, I just ch ck.” of gé it in the store down the What Every Husband Knows The rich fat broker’s wife died, and his only dle girl was crying. “T want mamm Hush, dearie, don't cry. spa'll buy you another.” minde (Absent ROMEIKE?’S PRESS CLIPPING BUREAU » We will send you all newspaper clippings which may appear about you, your friends, or any abject on which you may want to be “up-to-date."’ Every ewsnaper and periodical of importance in the United States od Europe is rearched. ‘Terms $5.00 per 100 notices. HENRY ROMEIKE, 106-110 Seventh Ave., New York Petey and the Irritable Smith per. Canny By Hexrv RETIRED diplomat who had helped to set- tle Europe with Disraeli and reform Eng- land with Gladstone, once said to me: “If you | only knew just what a nation thought of itself | you could prophesy what it would do. I wonder what America thinks of itself; not merely because I wonder what America will do in 1920 (the year sounds like one those dates which schoolboys will have to remember), but also because I should immensely like to know | what the average American in this proud m ment of his national history does think of his personality. If you can trust the cartoons, it is a queer estimate. For nineteen cents I cay buy three varieties of pictorial representation of the Amer- ican as (apparently) we like him best—and no one of him looks as if he had won the war. The first—the irritable Smith—must be made natured sarcasm; and yet he looks and in goc acts so much like the men I go to business with in the morning that [ can't help believing in him. He is thin, he has a moustache cut in angles, he is us ald, and nearly always in a bad humor. Usually he appears in a series of pictures, In the first, having escaped from business (where he seems to have made money) he wants a drink, or a smoke, or a poker game, or a bath, In the next, he is at cross purposes with his wife, who is a simple, virtuous soul 1 wants him to call on a neighbor or play with the children, Then comes t or com- edy—tragedy when he doesn’t get what he wants about it; comedy when t ds into a poker 1 swears his pipe or g ishing how amus thousands of us find the irritable Smith, He is so real, The things he s and wants are so real. And yet of all small-souled vulgarians with no distinction ex- cept his bad temper he is the homeliest and least inspiring. Nobody admires him except his wife. We don't love him—he doesn’t wish to be lovable. He simply wants his creature comforts in a passionate kind of way, and is always in hot water because he does so much more wanting than thinking. But we like to watch him. We must think that he is like us, Perhaps he is American “hustle” laughing at its own excesses. in Petey” or “Abe” or Phe next type is called He is short and such familiar nickname, round and absurd, and his companions are ways tall and dignified. Petey is shrewd. Even when somebody overreaches him, which is fre- quently, he comes out on top—if not in the last picture, why then in the next edition of the paper. His chief function in life is to look ridiculous, to keep good-humored between squalls, and to be less of a fool than he looks. And inca ung cre that he lacks, wn he is compan- ure who has all She is the from him. senti- in his most famous ioned with a lovely yc the grace and be future, and is always running away And with her is an enormous person: mental, good, but a mere mass of pulpy emo- She is his wife—his present. Petey is n, but, like all humor, he tions, the humorist’s America is more tragic than satire. Something is alw getting away from Pete: The Lord gave him the choice between ideals and a cigar; dhe took the cigar. But Petey makes the best of it. You can fool him; you can bowl him ove: ne. It is aston- | Famous For 30 Years This delicious hard candy quickly re+ lieves coughs ond hoarseness. Speakers and smokers depend upon it for throat comfort. Red Cross Cough Drops are also fine for eating. Children love them. They are made of granulated sugar and other pure ingredients. We originated this trede mark many years before the American Red Cross Society was formed. Get Red Cross Cough Drops today in handy boxes—packed full—six cents. At Drug Stores and Cigar Stores Made By Candy Bros. Mfg. Co., St. Louis 2 clings to it and comforted. 'y a materialist; but he is al: realist philosopher. He is the arnation of the shrewd, undaunted optimism of America. And finally there is the romantic American. You will find him among the short stories and cigar, He is Petey may b the advertisements—particularly of collars and underwear. He is the exact opposite of the irritable Smith in that he is handsome, well built, d placidly confident that he will get what he wants. He is the exact opposite of Petey, in that he has pois ty and no pas- sion for anything, except | If the Ameri- | can eagle on a monument should shave and put on a suit of master-made clothing, he would be Conelu: | Why Not Send a Case of NLLONA ed on page 3 A GIFT THAT WILL SURELY DO GOOD you can take away beauty and leave him only the saccharine beast; but Petey never loses his * 33 ORDER THROUGH NEAREST DEALER OR C.M, EVANS &SONS Extabilshed 1796 MUDSON, N.Y. cOmIcbOOKS#eOmM