Judge — December 13, 1919 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bus and Tram Strike No Terror for Him Mr. Push, senior partner in Messrs. Push, Slocum and Push, adapts him- self to circumstances, and arrives at the office on his wife's patent carpet- sweeper—Passing Show (London). On the Safe Side—Although Tim and Pat were known to be great friends, it was remarked that one morning they passed each other on the street without speaking. Tim,” quericd a friend in “have you and Pat quar- “Faith, we have not,” replied Tim, earnestly. “There seemed to be a coolness be- tween you when you passed this morning.” “Well,” explained Tim, “that’s the way we're going to hold our friend- ship. “I don't understand.” “Ye don’t. Well, thin, it’s this way. Pat un’ me are that devoted to wan another that we can’t bear the thought av a quarrel, an’ as we're both moighty hot-tempered, we've resolved not to speak to wan another at all, for fear of breakin’ our friendship.” — Harper's Magaz Heredity—"Your daughter has a fine touch, Mrs. Moriarty.” “Yis, so they be tellin’ me; an’ sure ‘tis no wonder, for she loves the pianny, niver tires of it; she has a great tashte for moosic, but thin that’s only natural, for her gran’father had his skull broke wid a cornet at a timper- ance picnic."—London Tid-Bits. Equine Honesty—An Irishman once sold a nag to a gentleman, warranting the animal as an honest horse. Some time after the gentleman asked him what he meant by an honest horse. “Well, sir,” replied Pat, “whenever I rode him he always threatened to throw me, and he certainly never deceived me,”"—Houston Post, Obstacles ua get me to the Central sta- 2 an hour?” “Well, if the horse doesn’t die of hunger on the way, if we don’t run inte any barbed wire entanglements, if the streets are not closed, and if no civil war breaks out on the way, I think we might manage it.”"—Meggeadorfer Blaetter (Munich). 20 Horrors of Literature—Army sleuths at Gary, Ind., raided a “Russian den.” They discovered a well-thumbed volume printed in Russian. dently it was popular. Probably it contained the ordained procedure in dynamitings. To headquarters at full speed and an interpreter summoned. “Read it to us—what does it say?” The interpreter opened it at random and began to run over the sentences translating in fragments: “Then you put the blood on—dig a grave and bury it near midnight—burn up the rest—”" “We've got ‘em now, “That's the master book. more.” “That helps the blood,” went on the interpreter. “Pretty soon off she comes.” “That means an sleuths chorused. “Begin at the beginnin one. “What's the book The interpreter turned to the title page and read: “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, by Mark i He had been reading from Huckle- berry Finn's recipe for warts.—St, Louis Republic. ”” exclaimed one. Read some explosion,” An Injudicious Knock—‘You can knock a thing in such a way as to boost it,” said a government official in an ad- dress. “Injudicious orators often and often make this mistake. “Perhaps you've heard of vivalist who shouted: I tell you, friends, hell nothing but chorus girls, roulette wheels.” “Thereupon a young man in a back seat yelled: “‘Oh, death, where is thy —Detroit Free Press. Those Mad Wags—"“This is truly a spiral flight,” said the young lady as they climbed the State House cupola. ‘ather per-spiral, I would call it,” replied her stout escort, mopping his beaded brow.—Boston Transcript. the re- contains cocktails, sting?” Sympathetic—“Don't you ever find it hard to be a freak?” asked the stout- ish, tightly-laced woman who had stopped to converse with the fat lady. “No, not a bit,” was the reply. “I often feel sorry for some of you people who seem to find it hard not to be freaks."—The IWatchman, Some Brand—‘How do you like that cigar I gave you, old man? For 200 bands off that brand they give you a gramophone.” “You don't say! If I smoked 200 of those cigars I wouldn't want a gramo- phone; I'd want a harp.”"—Houston