Judge — December 6, 1919 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Dew PALMER Digest of the World’s Humor Another War—“What's the charge against this man?” asked the Judge. “Fighting in the public street,” replied the offi “You're fined nine dollars and ninety cents.” ny hat’s the ninety cents for, Judge?” asked the man at the bar. “War tax.” it the war's all over, Your Honor.” Over nothing! You' were fighting, weren't you?”—Yonkers Statesman, Sudden Rise in Oil—Bix—So your friend became wealthy through a ‘sud- den upward movement in oil. What oil stock di he buy? Dis—He didn't buy any. A rich old t tried to start a fire with a can of it—Boston Transcript. Working Out His Bill—Frank Ber- tram, a well-known actor, tells the fol- lowing story: was playing at Leicester during the fair week, and in the market place there w al merry-go-rounds. “I noticed one melancholy individus who, despite the fact that he was app ently suffering greatly, persisted in rid- ing on one of the merry-go-rounds. “Eventually I spoke to him and asked him if he liked it. “The man replied: ‘No, I don't like it a bit; the blamed thing makes me ill’ “I then asked him why he persisted in riding, and his reply was: ‘I can't help it. The man who owns this round- about owes me money, and the only way I can get even is by taking it out in rides.’""—London Tit-Bits. Some People Frame Them—"May I ask what that scrap of paper is you are gazing at in such melancholy fash- ion?” “You may. the school of experience. “A what?” “A cancelled note I've just paid for another man who came in hurriedly one day and persuaded me to indorse it."— Birmingham Age-Herald. That's a diploma from Paid in Full | Miranda—Did you ever flirt when you were young, Auntie? untie—I'm afraid I did, my dear. Miranda—And were you punished for it? Auntic—Well—er—I__ married Uncle George !—Iorld (London). your Something Else Again—Employer— How much salary do you want? Applicant—$75 a week. ‘mployer—Good morning! The posi- tion pays only a salary, not wages.— Buffalo Express. Soc et tu um—Mr, Neverwed — They're still talking about a tax on bachelorhood. Mrs. Longwed—And why not? All other luxuries are being taxed—Hous- ton Post. A Satisfactory Compromise—“Lend me article X, old man.” “Sorry Joe, but the best I can let you have is article V.” “Ratified without reservations! me the V."—Buffalo Express. 1s Slip _ Preparedness—Judge White is tell ig with relish of his encounter with a certain young matron of the Wiltshire district. It seems her husband had been spending most of his nights at the club and the lady hinted to his honor that one of these days she might bring the matter into court. It was serious. The other day, however, encountering the judge on the street, she buttonholed him, saying! “Judge, I'm so sorry I said all those things about my husband. He is all right after all.” “Why the change of heart?” asked White, curi “Well, the ot er night a burglar broke into the house and my husband laid him out with a poker. I had heard that was a poker expert and now I under- nd. The dear boy has been spending his nights preparing for just such ar emergency."—Los Angeles Times. Her Set Purpose—Lawyer—You want a divorce on the grounds of insan- ity; but are you sure your husband is insane? Woman—Well, if he isn’t now, I'll live with him until he is—so get the papers ready.—Houston Post. Silent—“That Mrs. Wise is a re- markable woman,” said Mr. Benedict. “What is so remarkable about her?” asked Mr. Bachelor, “Why, she is as cal replied cinnati Enquirer. lent partner in a_lo- Mr. Benedict—Cin- Hadn't Noticed—“Have short skirts begun to come in style again?” I'll swear I can not say. Since those tight sweaters came into vogue I've never given the matter a thought.”— Wichita Eagle. Her “Bit”—Bess—That’s Mrs. Grab- bit—she was a great war worker. Bob—Indeed! Bess—Yes, she’s married four of her daughters to soldiers.—London Answers. 12-610 comichooks.c