Judge — November 29, 1919 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by Otiver Herron Tue Featneren Fesinist “I'm getting dreadfully bored with sitting on these eggs. cramping not only to the mind, but to the drumsticks, nAV hy, my dear!” . ; es, I'm sick of this gabble about a female's place being on the nest. I believe in a communal incubator.” if I turned up at midnight in the middle of a Grand Army Convention. A room! Why the mere suggestion of my not getting a room filled him with distress. Sooner than see me sleepless, he would put me in with two commercial men from the west (perfect gentlemen, as he himself in- formed me); he would put me, along h four others, on the billiard table; establish me behind a screen in a quiet corner of a corridor; or, stop, rather than see me suffer, he would offer (it was a safe thing) to turn out of his own room. As toa bath, neither he nor I ever thought of it. Observe that this man’s hotel was very different from yours. In it was no palm room filled with rubber trees and resonant with the music of a Hungarian orchestra, no Pea- cock corridor in which the dangerous débutante in the droop- ing hat shoots languorous glances at the passer-by. In point 11-29-19 6 of pleasure and relaxation in his hotel there was nothing other than the bar. That was the sole resort—a quiet place below the stairs with a sanded floor and a long counter. And here it was that we stood in friendly converse, drinking whiskey and water, while the chief clerk was “fixing me up for a room.” In those brave days we drank whiskey and water right after breakfast. We were supposed to need it. Now, sir, I admit that you and your kind have made wonderful changes in our hotels. You have filled them with music and palm trees and débutantes. You have taught our people to drink English tea at five o'clock in the afternoon. You have borrowed the café chantant of the French and combined it with the grill room of the British. You have introduced afternoon dances and midnight suppers, and you have gathered about you— I admit it, and I thank you for it—all the pretty women in New York to decorate your corridors. You have become, and in a certain sense you are entitled to be, one of the New Rulers of the World. But this I ask. Do not push your sovercignty too far. If you do, there will be put on foot a plan to build in your city a few hotels of the by-gone type of the old days when guests were guests indeed and the kindly publican their host: a hotel with only one bath for every twenty-five guests: with dinner served only in the main dining-room when the bell rings: without a single rubber tree in the whole extent of it,—but, and this is the essential point—with something of the old-fashioned courtesy and kindliness and quiet which you are banishing from your palatial doors. What! The gentleman has vacated room 4601? Ah! a gentleman indeed! Quick, give me the pen and let me sign. I take back all that I have written. And, by the way, which is the way to the lunch-room where the Syrian dancing girls are? I shall want to eat there. ~ And wags 1 r oo Drawn by Cuartes A. Heonrs Wonver Wrat a Hirrorotamus Tuinxs Avout? comichooks.