Judge — November 29, 1919 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Irrepressible, “Why did you take that tutoring job last sum- } mer, Jack?” “Oh, just felt the need of a hire education.”"— Cornell Widow. From Webster's Newest Dictionary ) AMBIDEXTROUS—The ability of a person } to shimmy with either shoulder. LIQUOR—Something which isn’t. LABOR—Another name for that great class known as the “idle rich.” A fanciful. work implying great riches, i. ¢., “The Vandergoulds have pork- I) chops.” COCKTAIL—A mixed drink consisting of Bay Rum, Listerine n’s Liniment, and a dash of Wild-Root.—Pennsylzania Punch Bowl. Whetting Curiosity Tee Hee—What runs across the H out legs? Sleepy—I don't know Tee H. floor with- what? braska Awgwan, In Due Course Prospecti: ‘Can I rent an apartment here? Agent—We only rent to people with families. Pros.—But give me time—Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. An Empty Case Solicitor—You don’t think my job a real one? Why, I'm a traveling salesman, I sell brains, not muscle. Solicited—Well, I must say, you're the first traveling salesman I ever saw that doesn’t carry |, a sample with him.—Yale Record. f) 11-29-19 Joyous, What He Got Barber—Haircut, sir? Customer—No, not a haircut, only a mouthful of lather, fifteen minutes of onion breath, and the tip of my ear cut off—California Pelican, Luxuries Judge—You are fined $2.20 for assaulting your Judge? questions. You know as well war tax on all amusements ennsylvania Punch Bowt. Cruel “Here's where I cut the young dog off with- ut a scent.” chuckled Br'er R it as he jumped across a stream.—Dartmouth Jack O'Lantern, No Polygamy Jessie—But you could never support two, Jesse—But I'm only looking for one.—Lehigh Burr. Out of the Army Interested Maiden Aunt—And where were you demobilized, Arthu Arthur—Oh, just after we came out of the trenches, but they didn’t kill all of them; I feel one crawling on me every now and then—Cali- fornia Pelican, Today’s Horoscope A child born today will be twenty-one in 1940. —Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. Verbal Action Philosopher—A kiss is the language of love. Co-ed—Well, why don’t you say something ?— Michigan Gargoyle. Scene Surrrer. A Mopern Michigan Gargoyle. One Yank—This picture of my sweetheart saved my life one day in the Battle of the Marne. I was wearing it over my heart and it stopped a bullet that would have killed me. Crank—Gosh! that picture is enough to stop a mad bull.—Nebraska Awgwan, Shaming the Clock A medical journal recently prescribed an ab- sence of underclothing as an aid to longevity. Pelly expects most of our campus women will reach the age of one hundred—California Peli can, Melodramatic Meanderings I loved Marie Marie loved me But there was Her mother And that made three Two's a company Three's a crowd— So I murdered her mother —Cornell Widow At Any Campus Restaurant Stude—Is this noodle soup; where are the noodles ? Waiter—Did you ever see a cottage in cottage pudding?—Pennsylvania Punch Bort, Easy “Er—Where can I find ladies’ garters?” “Oh, sir, can’t you guess ?”—Harvard Lampoon Itchy Coo “Action and not talk is what I want in_a man. “Get a mute with cooties.”—I/Ilinois Siren. comichooks.