Judge — November 22, 1919 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“WeL . Um THankrut Tuere’s None or Ye Mosouitoes!” Thanksgiving and Taking By Curr Suarer HANKSGIVING is a day for joy, comestibility and praying, with the turkey serving as the bird of prey. It will require more praying this year to secure a turkey than in previous years, with $88.62 in red cash to accompany the supplication. At the time Thanksgiving was inaugurated an estimable, but near-sighted forefather went out into the forest k of his domo and shot a turkey. Had he fostered any regard for posterity he would have dragged in a sparrow. The idea of Thanksgiving was fabricated in 1620. The hardy pilgrims at that time gave thanks for their safe arrival from overseas. hey were met by very Red Cross men and were given doughnuts and coffee. After their joy had subsided they were massacred by the Indians. Which goes to show that their celebra- tion was well-timed. Also that he laughs best who laughs fast. Thanksgiving is regarded as a day of feasting. ni forgather, and it makes a good time for the cook to press demands for more jack. On this day father takes the turkey to his bosom or suspends it by a leg from his tie pin. It is always amusing to sce what complica- tions ensue between father and the tur- key, the carving knife, the fork, and things in the immediate vicinity. There is always some element of novelty in the exhibition When the crunching is finished the relatives play with the ouija board while mother does the dishes and makes plans for warming up the gravy. Prior to Thanksgiving high prices are always pre- dicted. This is the reason everyone is down on prophet- ears. Last Thanksgiving a man, economy-bent, pur- chased a goose instead of a turkey. When he paid for it he discovered that he had bought the goose that laid thet golden eggs and the farmer, weeping and re- etful, was endeavoring to amend his blunder. Thanksgiving is proclaimed by the president and his governors. This is done several weeks in advance of the holiday. It is now practically certain that last year’s proclamation was mixed up with the armistice. This will not happen again, The fiscal year of every dyspepsia-tablet factory be- gins the day after Thanksgiving, which falls hard on the last Thursday in November. It is quite apparent that it should be postponed a few weeks and con- solidated with Christmas. Most people might as well give thanks as what they do give, and great number—perhaps an overwhelm- ing majority—would prefer to have thanks figure in the place of souvenirs. Tt would save much exchanging at the slipper and cigar stores. His Intention “When you go to heaven, Bearcat,” asked the Presiding E what is the first thing you will do? “Holler for six of them little angels to jump onto me at once!” promptly re- plied the least boy of Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. “They don’t know anything about fighting.” 11-22-19