Judge — November 22, 1919 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Impervious to Parlez-Vous RR SSX —Les Etats—Unis nous envoient onze mille tétes de bétail. américaine, et je ne sais point S. News Ite The United States is ding us 11,000 head of catt he’s American, and I don’t know a word of English."—Le Rire (Paris). CQURI A Philanderer—“Why quarreled with George?” “Because he proposed to me last night.” “Well, there's no harm in that!" “But I accepted him the night be- fore.”"—Stray Stories. In a Manner of Speaking—"Did Charles kiss you last night, Penelope? asked a Boston mother. “There was a slight labial juxtaposi- tion as Charles departed, mother dear; but I assure you it was only moment- ary and therefore innocuous.”—Journal of the American Medical Association. The Closed Shop—“No, Richard she replied firmly, “I cannot accept you. I love you, but T can never be yours.” “Why not?” he demanded, “Tam a member of the Consolidated Sweethearts’ Association, which is allied with the Lovers’ Union, and I am, there- fore, pledged to marry none but a union man. You, I understand, do not belong to the Lovers’ Union."—Boston Tran- script. Interested—Old Pa Pscadds—I won't have you marrying a mere clerk. You tell that young man to keep away until he has an interest in his firm, Myrtle Pscadds—Why, dad, he has that now. The manager told him he'd have to take some inerest in his work or he'd lose his job, and he’s already done it—Houston Post. He Thought It Did—“Do you be- lieve that the moonlight makes people have you silly, George?” asked the sweet young bride after the honeymoon. 5 “Well, dear,” remarked the husband from behind ‘his evening paper, “you know I proposed marriage to you in the moonlight."—) onkers Statesman. To Save Trouble—She—I saw you, sir, with that horrid widow, and I shall send back your presents at once. He—Don't do that—send them to the widow.—Boston Transcript. He Knew—“W you and your girl Ve had a tiff. I told her I was going away forever, and she told me to g “Well, if you're any man at all you'll stay away at least two evenings.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. s the matter with Spiteful — “Young _Jobbles has bought a_ ra adster. It’s spite work, I fear. “How s “The money spent for that car was intended for a bungalow. ng Job- $ wants to show the girl in the case t he has no intention of proposing a second time.”"—London An S. Satisfied—“So you are engaged?” romantic. Is he your ideal?” : said the girl candidly, “merely the best offer I could get.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. Qualification — He — D'you_ kaow, May, you grow more beautiful daily? She—Oh, George, you do exaggerate. fi Well, then, I should say every other day.—Philadelphia Evening Bul- letin, Watching His Valuables— thing in the house, Bill?” Not a thin © jewelry in the bedrooms?” but {didn't want it.” hrough the cellar?” “Any- yhy not? That's where he keeps his booze. “T know, sleeping now Just Right—Dr. W. G. Downs, an Evansville dentist, was in Indianapolis *the other day and while there a friend gave him a bottle of whisky. He not use the liquor as_ he a strong odor of ether in the He gave the liquor to a colored waiter at one of the Indianapolis hotels. The next morning he asked the colored man how he liked the “Jes right, boss,” said the dusky one. “It was jes exactly right. Ef it had been any better you wouldn't have gave it to me and if it had b any worse I could not have drunk it.”"—/ndianap olis Ni H.C. of L.—“Who is the fellow who is J ¢ the guy is Press, but that's whe; "—Detroit Free icking so strenuously about 2 cents advance on a quart of milk? Hi language is terrible.” “He's aman who just pa a quart of liquor.”—Loui Journal. d $10 for Courier- Manicuring Him of Conceit The Profiteer (showing ring)—What would you do if you 'ad that? The Demobbed One—Buy a nail-brush!—London Opinion. (Digest of Humor Continued on Page 22