Judge — November 8, 1919 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

rom IcNatius BarNarp I am the only Diamond dealer in the world who buys Diamonds for cash from people who need the money, from estates, auctions, ete. I only buy where I can get the gem ‘way below its wholesale value. Then I add a small profit based on enormous volume of sales. I have no ‘‘overhead’’ expense to speak of, so I can guar- antee my price to be less than whole- sale! And I offer you ev ing in new, fashionable gold andplatinum mountings at the actual factory st. Look at the following bar- gains, selected at random from my enormous stock of fine Diamonds: Eravisite Bloc Stoel Blow slteh Jager's Violet Wrepartecs top light brown. Blue Rivers very fine qualit: 200 Hise Wemelton, slightlmrertection 433 one. OF eene Bise Wemselton, Steel Hloe. v H 3 6, J % Bye perfect crystal dangers Steel flan Isise Weseelton, ve daser’s Violet Ih Wine White, impertec FeRES, ror pia 133 & Daman: ‘ECT Diamond 300 1 Ship for FREE Inspection and | Protect You with a REAL Money-Back Guarantee no money, merely write me what diamond and mount- ing you select from my free Bargain List or this advertisement, and I will send it to your express oCice or bank for free exam. ination. Written guarantee of carat weight and value contract to refund your money sent with every diamond. Write for My FREE Bargain List and {llustrated style Book of fashionable mountings mailed to Bradentil youharecctared Ly pricepned earned ths procnctioa e Fs ned learned thie rn Aiorded by ‘ vation Wri postal will da. NATIUS BARNARD OF CHICAGO Dept. 1709), 36 S. State St, CHICAGO, U. S.A. Modern Socialism Manufacturer—I'm going to put my business on the profit-sharing basis, if I can Socialist—Ah, you've scen the light, have you “You bet I have. If 1 don't figure out some way of getting a share of my employes’ profits I'm likely to go to the wall.” No woman ever made a fool of a man except his own mother, The others merely expose his foolishness. A Boon for Gustatory Boobs By Perriron Maxwett Bi-Sectep Vista oF WO unique and brilliant inventions T have just been filed, with a large flat, blacksmith’s file, in the U. $ Patent Office at Washington. Both of these corruscating outbursts of mechan- ical genius have a direct, personal bear- ang upon the daily life of the nation. Nothing since Col. Rickey’s bitterly la- mented decoction and near-senator Ford's tin hennery has come so close to the public’s throbbing heart as these new twin concepts of a whole people's need. Te1r THe New Sociat Asser indented receptacles where it cools and is then oozed noiselessly into the expect- ant gullet. All the advantages of the mustache-cup and the paper napkin are combined in this beautiful table-tool. Anyone acquiring skill with both nea- knife and soup-fork can stride into So- ciety with the calm assurance of one who knows what is proper in table etiquette. It will no longer be necessary to study the deportment and social hints columns of The Evening Joinal and Vogity Flair. A Ctose-Ur or tie Maximum Sour Sitencer You will see at once what we are spilling these words about when we tell you that the first of these inventions is a pea- knife. The inventor's drawing (section- al view) reproduced herewith, tells its own exciting story. Although instructions for using the pea-knife are a trifle superfluous, we are impelled by the knowledge that a few benighted ‘souls still spear the elusive pea, to give the brief specifications of this new mechanical beneficence. In using the pea-knife the diner grips the handle firmly with the palm and all the fingers of the left hand, the blade pointed acutely toward the mouth. The hollow handle has already been filled with hot peas out in the kitchen. Thus the instrument partakes of the nature of a miniature thermos bottle. Elevating the blade in front of the wide open coun- tenance, and at an angle of 45 degrees, press the spring in the handle. The little green globules will then pour into the groove in the blade, gathering mo- mentum on the way to the palate. The trained pea-eater can release one or si teen peas (the full capacity) with a sin- gle motion. The knife is ground to a razor-edge to test the nervous energy of the diner; the person who cuts his mouth or tongue loses two points and goes back to taw. The other invention is a delicate com- plement to the subtle pea-knife. It is the self-restraining hot soup-fork. It comes in several period designs, with ro- coco exclamations and semi-color flore- Jations. Ladling the steaming soup from |the plate the liquid pours itself into the u “My Cellar” A National Anthem By Eomeunp J. Kirrer Y cellar, ‘tis of thee, M Wondrous sub-treasury, Of thee I sing; Cave of your owner's pride! Hall where glad spirits hide! To every bottle’s side, Let cobwebs cling My sacred cellar, thee, Pent-up perfumery For lucky I love thy flirting flasks, Thy jugs, thy jovial casks; Heigh-ho, the tempting tasks Of pulling bungs! lungs! Let prohibition spread Outside—above my head; Down here all's well! Let mellow whisky flow! Let neighbors come below! This is the life, what-ho! Who would rebel? John Barleycorn, old boy, They cannot kill thy joy; Hail, Nature's pet! Long last each hon-e’s supply ! —America’s gone dry? Ho, what a jolly lie! —We're soaking wet! comichooks.