Judge — November 1, 1919 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Modest Houses for Immodest Incomes Three Cute Examples from the Catalogue of the Knock-Down and Dragout Mail Order Building Corp. “Note the nobby rococo chastity design.” This building has been scientifically deloused of all curves.” By Perrtron Maxwete. HE “Own Your Own Home” campaign did not come up to the expectations of its organizers. A cheap house was no longer cheap, prospective home-buyers found, when the land it was to occupy suddenly went vaulting one hundred per cent beyond its worth. Rent boosting is now one of the most popular of American front-door sports. Any- body owning a dog-kennel or a chicken-coop can enter the tourney. To be a landlord is to be an expansive and sardonic smile clad in large checks supplied by helpless tenants. Gnashing your teeth and allowing the bath-tub to overflow and stain the kitchen ceiling won't get you anywhere—except in jail. Pay, pay, pay is the little song you must sing while your roof- tree sags with the weight of its own importance. But we have a way out of the pickle—the Dill as one might waggishly asseverate. , we have solved the housing problem! We offer you release from the tyranny of landlord- ism—your due as a fee-born American. And_ this is it: Build your house with French pastry. Bricks and mortar and concrete and lumber are cumbersome, cost- old-fashioned rubbish, With our patented pie-crust boards you can erect a palace or an igloo and at the price of a cafete! luncheon. Examine the noble dwelling in the above photograph (Fig. 1). Doesn't it make your mouth water? Note the nobby rococo chastity of the design. Observe the rich, crisp brown symmetry of its lines (they're toasted), the re- straint of its onionic columns. Who couldn't be happy in the (Fig. 3) “A fine-tooth comb me ridge.” s shivering-room of such a home? And it is built en- tirely of lemon meringue pie. It can be baked in an afternoon and erected before sunset. Build it any- where, on anybody's land. Possession is nine points of the law. You can take your dispossess papers into court and put up a fight for your squatter’s rights— and lo, two or three months’ rent to the good! In precise legal terminology this is known as sparring for time. When the court rules against you, you merely eat up your dwelling and look around for an- other vacant lot. A hand-painted recipe for constructing this daint: chalet will be sent to any perfect lady making affida that her present cook has remained with her for seven consecutive days. But perhaps you are not a pie lover. Perhaps your taste runs to toothpicks. If so, here (Fig. 2) is your ideal hhome—the one with the fussy pagoda. It will be shipped to you in a neat nest of boxes, each box containing 1,000 split cordwood toothpicks bearing our trade-mark on their points. This chawming pancho villa can be erected before break- fast; the children can help in its construction. By making a game of the job you can complete your home while the coffee boils. We furnish a complete set of baby blue prints showing where each toothpick belongs. You will have many a hearty laugh in putting up the building since the whole darn structure will repeatedly fall in upon itself at the critical mo- ment when you are tacking on the cupola. We recommend this house for its uprightness. It has been scien- tifically deloused of all curves, Its sa ripping roof- 1 Gothic character is so pure that it