Judge — October 25, 1919 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Spada 2 Sz haa = wins isa o kaa 45a os THEATRe COHAN & HARRIS jyieiane street Eves. 8:15. Mats. Wed. & Sat. 2:15 “BEST MUSICAL PLAY SINCE THE MERRY WIDOW” The Royal Vagabond ORIGINAL CAST _ THEATRE REPUBLIC BE") way. Evening 8:30, Mats. Wed. and Sat A. H. WOODS PRESENTS A VOICE IN THE DARK With Original Cost s2nd roa. HAPPY DAYS pyer "one: MATINEE AT EVERY DAY THE MAPPY PRICES. HIPPODROME Seats S weeks ahead. News Oddities (With apologies to innumerable news- papers). By Harry Hamitton H MAN HOTBOX, a socialist of ioux City, fell heir to a fortune of $400.00, left him by a distant relative in Tasmania. He immediately called in his neighbors and divided it among them, keeping but a small amount for himself. Mrs, Fanny Grabbitt of Racine, Wis., ran into the dark bathroom of her home to get some medicine for her sick baby. There were two bottles, side by side, one containing paregoric, the other, carbolic. She got hold of the bottle containing paregoric. Mortimer Muddle, a mysterious old resident of Rahway, N. J. whom no one supposed had a cent to his name, died the other day, as he had lived, in squalor. A search of the shack which he inhabited failed to reveal as much as a plugged nickel. Throckmorton Lipstick, an actor in a Denver stock company, refused to have his photograph taken because he learned that his likeness was to appear in a news- paper. It took six strong men to tie him in the photographer's chair. Alphonse Boobington of Marlboro, N. Y., while on a visit to the metropolis, dis- played a large roll of bills while drinking near-beer in a Tenth Avenue saloon. He got safely back to his hotel. The police have been asked to investigate the case. Chopping Him Off “Boss,” whined the measly mendicant “I wasn't always as you see me now, and——” “Probably not,” interrupted J. Fuller Yo doubt you were once a y and were photographed clad only hbow! and a brazen smile. Good He Wished to Know “Wouldn't you like to come to our Bible class tomorrow evening?” asked the Presiding Elder, of a recent arrival in the Rumpus Ridge, Ark., neighbor- hood. “Bible class, hey?” was the reply. “Well, now, it sorter depends. Is tha there class of your’n fer or ag’in the— p'tu!—Bible?” Dear Dead Days ‘OR Jolly Good Fellows—Saturdays. For Cooks and Maids—Working- days. For Educated Employees—Pay Days. For Procrastinators—Today. For the “Just Married”—Yesterday. For the Bored—Tomorrow. For the Horse—His Day. For the Pessimist—Doomsday. For Schoolboys—Summer Holidays 1919. For Tenement Children—Playd. or the Huns—Der Tag. For Spinsters—St. Valentine’s Day For Golfers—Old Fashioned Sunc For the Bolsheviki—Wash Days. For the High-Cost-of-Living Storks— 3irthdays. For Employers—Anything .over 8-nour days. For Restricted Apartment Dwellers— Dog Days. For Everybody but Prohibitionists--The “good old days.” 2 Egg View News Notes By Li Corny Paine, who is repairing his second-hand Polly-wog automobile. has come out from under it for over Sunday. te Van Every The trial of the burglar, who broke into the grocery Wednesday, will be held Saturday morning at nine o'clock, if Lem Bushnell, our marshall, succeeds in run- ning across him by that time. Some music floated across the mill- pond to Miss Phrong Edgin, Friday night, but the music wasn’t by our band, because our band doesn’t furnish the kind that floats. Genius By May Witson Topp W E are what our microbes make us— So aman of science tells ; And the thought of budding genius Which at times our bosom swells, Need not throw us in a spasm With our aspirations high, For it’s just our protoplasm Taking toxic stimuli. Should we blossom as a poet And seem favored by the muse, Here's the truth—we may not know it, But it’s just a simple ruse That is played upon our fancy—' We're not, strictly speaking, well; And our “Genius” is a microbe Fighting with a body cell. If we have a mind allergic To tubercle baccili, We will write with optimism, All our ideals fine and high; If bacteria colonic Our red blood cannot resist, We will strike notes less harmonic As a common pessimist. So it’s not in budding Genius That the hope of nations lies. Or the talent born within us, That fulfills our destinies ; But it’s just the tiny microbes, By the thoughtless mind despised, Which attacks our protoplasm When it’s highly sensitized. Passing the Buck Bobbie (to aunt Jane on a visit) Are you going to be here long this time? Aunt Jane: Why, Bobbie, do you mind? “Oh, I guess I can stand it.if mother can.