Judge — September 27, 1919 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Squads By Lr. Fo A. Mattes, U. M. C RONOUNCED according to ples: Shkwods, Skee-wards, Skwards, Squods, Squ-hods, Squds, and Skvads Uncle Sam’s Army from Corporals down is all squads. No one has yet ventured to say what it is from Corporals up. Seven soldiers and one Corporal of one size if possible make up a squad. Of these soldiers five are Buck Privates and two are First Class Privates. The First Class Privates are as big a mystery to them selves as they are to the Buck Privates. A squad is happy and content when it is not otherwise. No one has yet seen it anything but otherwise. In the squad the Corporal is the All-Highest, but everybody wants to be an All Lowest. A squad was originally known by its number and the company it kept, but military strategists have no objections to calling it by the name of its Corporal, possessive case. His name is the most popular one of the squad in the orderly room, during office hours any- way In military terminology a squad is a team Its work is team work. It is the first team | known to be horsed by a goat from a sensitive Corporal’s point of view. | Every member of a squad has his own place when it is assembled, like all the parts of a Drawn by Doxar> McKre flivver have their places when it is put together. When members of a squad are “goldbricking” the squad goes on regardless. Their places are taken by blank files. Therein a squad has a flivver beaten. The blank files go everywhere the squad goes, while a flivver can’t go unless all its members are present In France when a Town Major requested billet from a French farmer for a squad, the latter would move his two mules, cow and rabbits from a portion of the barn and say ila!” Eight men would then move in. Anywhere from two to eight squads travel together in what is known as a platoon. If there were no squads there would be no plat oons. When in a platoon if the men are not in squad formation they are in saloon formation or as the prohibiki would rather have it, mob formation. Squads usually get that way at chow time and rare occasions of unmilitary festivities or celebrations. Also when a al bawls up the commands when drill Each member of a squad including its Cor poral has a number. The number absorbs his individuality when the squad is formed. He is then known as Number So and So cf the front or rear rank. Old-timers always make a rush for Number 3 of the rear rank. It is known to be the only number immune from the micro: scopic gaze of Sergeants and Lieutenants. \ squad has the distinction of claiming the Tue Curse or AtLan 32 JUDGE only man in Uncle Army. who ever exclaimed: ‘I didn’t join this outfit for promo- tion.” More friends were made in squads than in any other known source. Buddies first met each other in squads. And friendships born in squads will forever be myriads times more stronger than 2.75 Squads won the war. They were Uncle Sam’s squads, As She Is Spoke By La Tovene Haxcock Apportez vite les sprigs de holly, Le miseltoe, et soyons jolly Autour de poudin plum! C'est Nod, jour de becuf et dindon, Quand avec un tel vif abandon On boit le grog de rum! Couldn't Tell \ certain statesman made a lengthy and impassioned speech on the Senate floor, touch- ing an important measure under consideration At the close of the session, as he was passing out, one of his constituents, who had occupied a seat in the gallery, approached him and said rather reproachfully: ‘Ferguson, I was sur prised that you so vigorously opposed that bill.” “Opposed it!” snorted the Senator, “why, man, I was arguing for it!” icomicbooks-com