Judge — September 27, 1919 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Statesmanship in Kansas By Artuur CHapman Mlustration Sy Avuxeee Leverixe “Most people think, apparently, that a large part of my job should consist of smiling and going to picnics.”—Governor Henry J. Allen. N Kansas, where the wheat fields stretch for many paying miles, | They are strong for having picnics—it’s the one sport that beguiles— And the Gov’nor of great Kansas must toy with deviled, eggs And grab sardines and olives, and eat on folded legs In Kansas, Old Kansas. Where the chigger* makes the outdoor life seem mostly bitter dregs. Am invert hate! by veery voltier who drilled at Camp Funston The Nose By Cuer Snarex HE nose is either a decoration, an incum- bency, or a misdemeanor. It success- fully fills a hard position and is designed after nothing in particular, Some noses jut, the ma- jority of them trespass, while others merely | exist. They may be rétroussé, aquiline, pug or convex. The latter named is the organ of com- merce; the pug frequents social circles and the other styles hav tered following. In any shape they are an indication of character and must always be respected as the sacred lair of } the olfactory nerve. In common parlance, the nose is known as the beak, beezer, conk, sap, snoot and sneezer. Usually quite passive, it grows active at times and causes trouble. It secures its maximum of exercise in the winter when it goes in for running. An athletic nose is a source of keen dissatisfaction. A nose in the air may si; bank as well as many unp: pharmacy. Most of the varieties of noses will continue indefinitely. The wet and red species are now practically extinct. Horses win races with their noses and many suspicious wives have thrown their husbands out at second in the same manner. In some latitudes noses are rubbed in salutation. Which besokens that there is still something to be thankful for. A nose by any other name would always be a nose. Some girls powder their noses while In Kansas, where a mortgage hasn't been drawn up for years, Where a man is merely locoed if he runs into or hates a sandwich with a loathing that’s intense, Andylemonade and pickles he would fain toss o'er the fence, But Kansas, Old Kansas, Makes him stuff such picnic fodder and de- clare it is immense, others permit them to shine out far into the night like a beacon on a storm-swept coast. Noses lead some persons into fields of excite- ment and keep others away. If confined to are virtues. It is only when a nose is given wnthrottled rein that Drown by R. B. Peuen Ir Pockets Were Apotisuep w» In Kansas they’re pot cruel to the farmers’ hired men; The hands draw top-notch wages, and they eat creamed turkey hen, But executives in, Kansas must live on picnic fare Till the sight of paper napkins makes ‘em want to rise and swear, Yet Kansas, Old Kansas, Merely wonders why her Gov'nors seem to be weighted down with care. trouble ensues. A nose will apprise when the hands of a clock flit past unnoticed. Any person with an orderly nose never misses a good din ner. Mother may call repeatedly in the morn. ing without effect, but when a nose takes up the aroma of steaming coffe the dure of the quilts quits. The nose reaches its greatest efficiency at mealtime. Noses are remembered when all other facial features fade. A girl with a large nose cannot be forgotten. She will endure when the color of her eyes and the length of her hair are ob livioned. Crows-feet may develop and the eyes may sag; lips may lose their richness and grow thin; the chin may curl up like the drying autumn leaf, and the brow may become fur rowed and the neck wrinkled, but the nose will retain its form and its pristine elegance always It is the most lasting of all appendages and must be reckoned with, coddled and counted ‘on, unto the end. And even then—and there after. That Was Easy Millie—How did Mr. Bonds get his eldest daughter off his hands? Clarence—By putting the man she married on his feet. Motto Metamorphosis 1gth Century. ‘Wine, Women, and Song. 2oth Century. ‘‘Near-beer, Flappers, and Jazz.”