Judge — September 20, 1919 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Pills—In the good old days it was “ Drinks on the house.” Nur—Yeh, and now it’s “ Drinks under the house.”"—Stanford Chaparral Putting it Delicately Once I proposed to a nice young lady. She told me to go ask father. Now I knew that hex father was dead, I knew the kind of a life he had led. So I knew what she meant when she Told me to go ask father. —Michigan Gargoyle. Tramping Carl—What do you say to a tramp along Votes “Aye” “Arve you in favor of Prohibition?” “Absolutely. I've got an interest in a pat- ent medicine factory.”"—Dartmouth Jack 0 Lantern, Blocking Traffic Each time I try to dance with Mary, Something she wears gets quite contrary, I wondered what and why it was. But now I'm wise—'course it does. —Williams Purple Cow. The Amazing Episode The balmy spring evening had now fallen and covered the landscape with a blanket of intense blackness—and all was still and quiet without the Dean’s residence. It remained this way for many long hours of the night, when finally out of the darkness there came the trip-trip-thumping of uncertain foot steps, making their way down the pavement The trip-thumping ceased in front of the Dean's residence, and all was silent again. Then out of this melancholy stillness there came the long drawn out wail of, “O—Dean Jone ” which was followed later by another “O—Dean Jones-s-s.”. This time a window opened slowly, and a man’s head clearly reflected the melan- choly rays of the limpid moon against the dark 's residence. ell, boys,” quietly said the man in the “what can I do for you? “A window in your housh ish open, ne back the muffled reply “Which one?” whispered the one in the win- ‘enting trouble. he one you got your head out of,” barely breathed the mysterious ones below. And then off into the night the mysterious trip-trip- thump died away, and once a silence grasped the Dean's residence.—Vale Record. dow, ‘The way to treat this type: Get ‘em young, treat 'em rough and tell "em nothing. Lehigh Burr, ¢ got a swell story to tell you. | nk I ever told it to you before. She—Is it really_a good story? He—Oh, yes, a fine one. She (wearily)—Then you haven't told it to me before.—Yale Record. As Always We may pay everything that we owe while we're here, Live honest until the last day, But after we've left this terrestrial sphere, There'll still be the devil to pay. -Penn State Froth. Pronunciation Sunday School Teacher—Jobnny, can you tell me who built the ark? Johnny—Naw. * $.S. T.—Correct.—Punch Bout. A Chip of the Old Block First Veteran—Isn’t a wooden leg an eloquent protest against war? Second Veteran—Eloquent is good. a stump speech.—Michigan Gargoyle. Sort of Preliminary Said a pious divine from Bologne, To a beautiful maiden named Stogne, “Do you go out at night?” “Oh, no, but I might, I’m willing enough to be shogne.” —Harvard Lampoon.