Judge — August 30, 1919 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

What to Do in Case of Accidents By Haney Ixvixe Suumway ERTIGO caused when the price of a bit of sir- loin steak has been communicated to the vic- tim. Treatment. Place the stricken one bent position and loosen the collar. hands and bellow into the ears, “‘Congress shall know of it; Congress will fix things.” Keep saying this over and over until signs of life are apparent. The patient should be taken home as soon as strong enough. A few days’ rest and he or she will be up and about, but never the same person again. Swoon caused by landlord jumping the rent. Treatment. Open the windows. The patient must have air. Indeed, he must get used to the air, because signs point to his living outdoors in it in the near future. If rents continue to soar around Olympian heights we'll all become gypsies. When the patient begins to liven up, read him the ads in the real estate columns of the paper about those Utopian farms which start “Gentleman's estate of ten acres, beautiful soil, to be sacrificed on account of owner’s health. Small payment down.” After he listens to a dozen or so of these his faith in human nature will be restored—a little any- way Swoon caused by landlord saying the rent will not be advanced. Treatment. fatal. in a recum- Chafe the There is no remedy for this. It is Drawa by T. Samcony Towser Rip Van Winkte Returns Home Turoucn His Garven The medical profession is working now upon _ Drawn by Bauxspace Kocens Diner—This isn’t a good looking piece of meat! Waitress—Well, you ordered a plain steak! a solution which, when squirted into the veins of one who expects to parley with a landlord, will render him immune. Heart attack caused by victim opening and reading his bill from the service sta- tion for autopsy performed on his auto- mobile. Symptoms. The symptoms in this are easy to recogn even if the bill or state- ment is not notice The eyes roll up and the breathing is very irregular, sometimes only one or three cylinders firing. There is a knock, too, plainly discernible if the rescuer holds his ear to the heart of the patient. Treatment. Carry patient to a dark room. A livery stable is better if there is one handy. Then repeat slowly, as if in no particular hurry, “Giddap, Pete. Whoa, you piebald son of a gun!” at the same time cracking a whip in the air. People clever at imitating the noises of animals have been known to bring a victim to life by simply whinnying like a horse. Complete rest, away from the noises of the road, will do wonders in restoring the afflicted one’s health. Hysterics caused by victim suddenly discovering a bottle of liquor in a forgotten corner of the house. The symptoms are unusual. fortunate one generally jumps up and down, uttering hoarse cries and screams of delight. The un- Treatment. Music, always a powerful factor in controlling the emotions, should be employed in a case like this. Quickly gather three or four men, the more