Judge — August 30, 1919 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Above His Environment New Boarder—I'll have eggs to follow, please. Bridget—Phwat? WET AND DRY Unlamented—* Prohi such a bad thing after all.” 0?” “Tt has done away with the fellow who suffered from temporary paralysis of both arms when reaching for the bar check.""—Birmingham Age-Herald. In the Future—“Our children will see many wonderful things in the years to come.” “Yes, I suppose some day my son wiil find a forgotten corkscrew in an old drawer and come to me to ask what that queer thing was ever used for.”—Balti- more American. Arid Persiflage—“ Sorry 1 can’t offer you a drink, old man. My old still is suf- fering from a breakdown.” “Ha-ha! Due to overwork, I sup- pose?” “Either that or the worm turned Bol- shevist.""—Buffalo Express Unpopular—* Never hear much about malaria out this way any more?” “No,” answered Uncle Bill Bottletop. “Malaria gets terrible unpopular when there is nothing to cure it with except quinine.” —Kansas City Star. Can't Edison Invent One?—What is needled now is a demijohn equipped with a motor and able to fly under radio con- trol from one State to another.—Charles- ton News and Courier. Iggs, is it? Did yer bring ‘em wid yer?—Sydney Buller Frog in the Throat—Colonel Bill Bulous says that a farmer friend of his, a Prohibitionist, down in Barren County, Kentucky, is teaching the bullfrogs in the pond to croak “Jug-o’-malted-milk” in- stead of the familiar “jug-o’-rum!” Chicago News. New Danger—A bottle of pop ex ploded in the hand of an Ohio man and a piece of glass entered his neck, nearly severing the jugular vein. Nothing like that ever happened to a bottle of ten- year-old bourbon.—Birmingham — Age- Herald. They Go Everywhere —Mademoiselle veut-elle me permettre de sortir ce soir? Je vais prendre ma leon de tango. Cook—May I have the evening off? I want to take my tango lesson.—Le Rire (Paris). THE SEX en Wanted to Know—“‘A woman asked me today,” remarked a lawyer, “if she could get a divorce because her husband is a cigarette fiend.” “What you tell her?” “T told her she might, and then she inquired how many coupons it would take.""—Boston Transcript Much to Say — “Mrs. Neighbor talked with my wife an hour today over the phone.” “Probably t for some time. “Not since yesterday.” Journal, y hadn’t talked together Kansos City Lost Opportunity—Bess—Somebody passed a counterfeit dime on Bob a year ago and he hasn’t been able to get rid of it since. Maiden Does that 5 then? Aunt (Horrified) — What! pung man never go to church, aul Dispatch. Went and Done It—“Why is Bob so downcas “Oh, he is always getting engaged to girls, you know, and worming out of it.” Ves?” “Well, this summer he failed to get away with it.” “How so?” “He happened 10 propose to a woman lawyer.""—Florida Times-Union. Topic at Hand—“Women always find something to talk abo t.”” “That's true,” said the mean man. “How do you account for it?” “Easily enough. Two women seldom meet who are not mutually acquainted with a third woman.”—Kansas City Journal. No Voice in the Matter—“ What did her father say when you asked per- mission to marry his daughter?” “T didn’t ask him.” “You didn’t?” She and her mother said it wasn’t necessary. They were running affairs in that house.” —Detroit Free Press. Helping Him—"“Why do you walk around by Algy’s office every day, “T jilted him last week.” “What of that?” “And he’s trying to forget me.”— Louisville Courier-Journal.