Judge — August 30, 1919 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Amenities of the Road Urchin (after being the cause of a heavy spill) Serve yer right—just see what yer done to my ‘oop.—Blighty (London) LAWYERS a. Retaliation—Barrister—Now, sir, you have stated under oath that this man had the appearance of a gentleman. Will you be good enough to tell the jury how a gentleman looks, in your estima- tion? Down-trodden Witness—Well, er—a gentleman looks—er—like—er——" Barrister—I don't want any of your ‘ers’ sir, and remember that you are on oath. Can you see anybody in this court- room who looks like a gentleman? Witness—I can if you'll stand out of the way.—London Tit-Bits. High-Browed Folk—* This is going to be a hard fought case.” “Why do you think so? “Four celebrated alienists have been engaged.” But how about the lawyer “They are all smart fellows. It takes a pretty sharp lawyer to get a state- ment out of an eminent alienist that a horny-handed juror can understand.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. Merely Technical—“What about my case?” “You are only technically guilty,” said the lawyer. “As for your being in jail— “It’s a mere technicality, I know. But how about getting me out?”— Kansas City Journal. The One Step—A certain judge could not control his temper, and consequently could not control other people. One day there was unusual disorder in court,and at last the judge could endure it no longer Might Be Worse Off—“Thank{ul! What have I to be thankful for? I can’t pay my bills.” Phen, man alive, be thankful you aren't one of your creditors.""—Boston Transcript. Worked Both Ways—A novelist said ata Bar Harber tea: “It is incredible what some women will spend to get into society. A Western millionaire’s wife came to New York, took a house on Fifth Avenue and gave a ball of great magnificence. “When her husband totaled up the bills he winced, and said: ““My, Maria, these bills foot up to $30,000." “It costs money, dearie,” said the wife, ‘to get into society.” “*Humph!’ said the millionaire, ‘it don’t seem to me that we're gettin’ into society as much as society is gettin’ into us.""— Washington Star. “It is impossible to allow this persistent contempt of court to go on,” he said, “and I shall be forced to go to the extreme length of tak stop it ing the one step that There was a long silence, then one of the counsel rose, and with just a trace of a smile, inquired “If it pleases your honor, from what date will your resignation take effect?" —Dallas News. In Advance —“ Can't you finda loophole for me to craw] through?” asked the shifty promoter. “Of course I can,” replied the equally shifty lawyer. “But ahem—there’s a little —prelimi- nary—to be settled firs “What is that?” “I shall require a retainer of $1000 before you start to crawl.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. Not For Him—Binns—Would you marry a woman lawyer? Barnes—Heaven forbid! Anordi- nary woman can cross-examine quite well enough.—London Tit-Bits. Odd Difficulty—“When the man you speak of was arrested as a fence,his lawyer couldn't clearhim.” “That's strange; anybody ought to be able to whitewash a fence.” —Baltimore American. Profanity in a Good Cause Proesten—Heem er det dog, som bander saa fors- krackkelig inde hos Dem Anne3Kirstine? Mrs. Petersen—da, det ar bare cor Fa'er, som er aa galhodet, for ded han int’ ka’ find’ Salmebogen Han vil da'saa gern i Kacrk! Parton—Who is making that terrible noise and using that terrible language in your house, Mrs, Petersen? “Mrs. Petersen—It's only my husband. He wants to go to church and can't find his prayer- book.—Klods Hans (Copenhagen).