Judge — August 23, 1919 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Draen by Hews Pater Digest of the World WHEEZES Aids to Recognition—(Tinic (sav agely) They say the fashionable mother of today recognizes her baby only by looking at the nurse! Fashionable Mother (unmoved)—How extraordinarily clever when one changes I always tell ours by the “Truth Seeker. nurses so often! baby carriage. Time's Up!—"It says here that a Missouri man boasts that he has an um- brella that has been in his possession for twenty years,” said Smith. “Well,” replied Jones, ‘th: enough. He ought to return it cinnati Enquirer. long —Cin- A Timely Tale—Seven years ago a farmer living west of Charles City, la., hung his vest on a fence in the barnyard. A hungry calf chewed up a pocket of the garment in which was a standard gold watch. Last week the animal, a staid old milch cow, was butchered for beef and the time piece was found in such a position be tween the lungs of the cow that the res- piration—the closing in and the filling of the lungs—kept the stemwinder wound up and the watch had lost but four min- utes in the seven years.—Mason City (Ja.) Globe Gasette. Maud’s Reminder—“ Thanks,” said the Judge; “a sweeter draught from fairer hand——" “Yes,” interrupted Maud Muller, fix- ing him with a cold look; “but before you ride away, remember there's a one- cent war tax on that drink.” —IWashing- ton Star. Pure Reason Hoorfor ringer Kirkeklokkerne? Der @ vel en som trackker i Klokkerccet “Why are the bells ringing?” “T suppose somebody is pulling the ropes.” Klods Hans (Copenhagen) The Thing That Makes Perfect— “What do you think of the socialist theories?” “T don’t mind the socialist theories; it’s some of their practices I object to.” —Detroit Free Press. The Dodo's Companions—The dodo has as his companions: he grocer who put sand in his sugar. The butcher who weighed his hand with each steak, he dry-goods man who was a yard- stick juggler and couldsell you thirty-four- inch yards while you were looking at him. The market man who used a false bottom in his peck measure. The humorist who used to get paid for writing about those things.—Philadel phia Ledger. wW Dodging Shop—They struck up a conversation in the hotel lobby and finally one man suggested a trip to the movies. The other politely declined. “Don’t you want to see V pire?” “Nope.” “Nor Yorick comedy?” ppe.”” hat’s the matter, my you interested in the Hamm in his latest friend? Aren't various stars?" Not this evening. I’m an astron- omer taking a night off.”’—Kansas City Journal, tellya what,” said moving picture is just “What is that?” asked the scenario writer. “To get anywhere with it you gotta throw in the ‘clutch.’”’—Youngstown Telegram. World—‘I’ve got indorse your tooth So Wags The nine chemists to ix professors.” . I'd trade the indorsements of the entire outfit for that of one movie actress.” —Kansas City Journal. Minor —“Oh, dear,” sighed the movie star, “I forgot something when I was downtown shopping!” “What was it?” inquired her secretary. “I meant to buy an automobile to match my new hat.”—Film Fun. comicbooks.com