Judge — August 2, 1919 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Irrepressible, Irresponsible How To Do It All in Vain Some philosopher has stated That to strive for things is vain That success 1s over-rated And the prizes we obtain Disappoint us when we get them; One example will explain Here, before the mirror shaving With a trembling hand and blue: Well I recollect the craving, Little beard, I had for you; Do I cherish, now I've got it, this Appendage? Pas du tout! Dartmouth Jack @° Lantern Favorite Falsehoods “Well, sir, that’s the only part of the les. I don’t know.” “Just wait until the first of the month, Rosey; that's when I get paid.” “Yes, sir, you'll haf that soot to-night, posi- Htively.” “My regiment was just about to embark when the armistice was signed.” “Lost—Bill-fold with considerable amount [fof money Liberal reward offered.”—Yale Record. Father's Attitude | “No,” wept Percy Poorguy, “I cannot com- plain of my father’s treatment. The attitude toward me which he constantly maintains in his letters is one of unremitting kindness.” Michigan Gargoyle ‘The Awakening Talk, Talk, Talk, ‘ans, cushions, beer, laughter, cigarettes, Thick blu y strata of smoke, And more Talk, clever, effective. An exotic Thrill-Hunter Strode to the curtain-crested window And in ignorance of Village ways Opened it And the cool draught Wafted the Talk About the corners of the Studio, Bringing back vapid vacuities Of spoken Nothingness. Then came the Suddenness of Silence: The Silence of Revelation She of quick perception, The woman who found emancipation, Called out sharply: CLOSE THAT WINDOW! And then they knew Columbia Jester His Suggestion She—I don’t think father would ever hear of marrying you. “All right, then Dartmouth Jack o° m: we'll tell him, ourselves.”” Lantern Some Rouge He—May I kiss your rosy, red lips? She—I think you'd better ask my druggist if it’s healthy, first.—Stanford Chaparral. 23 “IT wish you would fix this watch for me— something's the matter with it.” “T don’t see that anything is wror “Well, it’s lost a minute in the last three months.” “That's nothing to worry about.” “Aren't some of the works broken?” “No they are all O. K.” “Aren't some of the thi ing “No—all here; it’s full jeweled.” “I've lately suspected the case to be plated How about it?” “Solid gold; none better.” “Well, I'm glad to hear you say that. Per haps you wouldn’t mind letting ne have fifty Yale Record. jewels lost or some ‘on it.” Government Ownership Passenger—Why are we stopping? Conductor—There’s a cow on ihe track. Passenger—Why don’t you chase it off? Conductor—Can't. It belongs to Congress- man Rockhead.—Dartmouth Jack o' Lantera. Good Idea! Street Orator—I advocate the removal of all the Poles to a province of their own. Inebriated Citizen (on the edge of the crowd) I—hic—agree with you. I—hic—just. ran into seven of them trying to—hic—get here.— Cornell Widow. “Did she tell you the truth when you asked “Oh, y “What did sh “"Tr=* 't was none of my business.” —Yale Record. comicbooks.com