Judge — July 5, 1919 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Libel—It 1s a mistake to call certain small automobiles “cockroaches.” We have made a study of the subject and have ascertained that the roaches can go into high speed without changing gears.— Youngstown Telegram. Necessity the Mother of Location— “What's the advantage of having a port- able garage?” “You're compelled to own a portable garage,” said Mr. Glipping, sadly, “if you happen to have a wife who can’t de- cide where she wants the blamed thing put.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Reasonable Assumption—“ Did you ever see an infernal machine?” 3 “T think so,” replied Mrs. Chuggins. “From the way my husband talks to it I should say that my flivver must be one.”—Washington Star. Magnum Charter—‘‘No more the genial popping of the champagne cork.” “A tangible sign of wealth.” “Just so. But we can still have the melodious detonation of the exploding automobile tire.”—Cleveland Leader. Chariot-tears—Ezra Winrow—I hear you swapped auttymobiles with Si Skin- ner yesterday. Who got the wust of the bargain, Hi? Hi Huskins—W-a-ll, the one I got thrust on me is sufferin’ horribly from ague, an’ balks quite a lot ’count uv missin’ on each and every cylinder off an’ on, but I heered this mornin’ that Si is huntin’ fer the ‘justice uv the peace in order to swear out a warrant for some- body.—Buffalo Express. Tin Lizzie Time—Mr. Redd—Do you know I dreamed I was cranking that flivver of mine? Mrs. Redd—No wonder you are late for breakfast. I thought you never would wake up!—Yonkers Statesman, Warmly Seconded—“ That certainly was a roast you gave Glipping.” “He deserved it.” “T noticed one gentleman in the party agreed to everything you said and seemed to think you might have made it stronger.” | “Yes. He shares a garage with Glip- ping. It’s curious how a relationship of that kind creates enmity.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. The Light Fantastic Dough “1 thought she had broken off her engage- ment to the jass master; but I see she’s dancing with him now.’ “Well, you see, she paid in advance, and has three more lessons to come.”—London Opinion. Ww Diplomatic—Wicks—How did you manage to get your wife to give up her vacation? Wiseman—I gave her a potted fern for a birthday present, and she won’t go away and trust it in the care of any one else.— The Olive Branch. Footloose—“I can let you have a room on the top floor, sir, if you don’t mind sharing it with another gentleman,” said the clerk. “All right. But do you suppose the gentleman will retire early? I’m in need ot sleep and don’t want to be disturbed.” “You'll probably be able to get a good night’s rest before the gentleman comes in, sir. He’s been stopping with us every spring for six or seven years, and this is the first time he’s ever made the trip without his wife.’—Birmingham Age- Herald. Fireside Cynicism—‘‘Who was it that said, ‘Lord, I thank Thee that I am not as other men’?” asked Mrs. Gabb. “Some lucky bachelor, I guess,” re- plicd Mr. Gabb.—Cincinnati Enquirer. Better Case—“I wonder why Jones allows his wife to domineer over him? He has the natural right to rule in the family.” “Yes, but she has the rich uncle.””— Baltimore American. Nice Man—Mrs, Myles—And is her husband kind to her? Mrs. Sylyes—Oh, very. Why, he’s more like a friend than a husband.— Yonkers Statesman. (Continued on Page 20) comicbooks.com