Judge — June 7, 1919 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

} i q + and climb in at the end of the line, glad even by Hemwass Pater T ent When We Get Home e. Wietta PL Smeawex, (8.0. 1 BF By C SEE by the papers that the war is over and that a lot of us out of the A. E. F. are soon to be taken home. The prospect tickles me. I read also that Secretary Baker’s heart thrills with pride over our glorious deeds (not min but those of some other guys that belong to the Overseas Club). And they say a lot of other folks—our old friends and bed-fellows of the Home ‘d and the Necessary Industries—are just crazy over us. I hear George Cohan’s writ- ten a song something about the whole world’s going to be waiting for us when we get back, if we get back, or something beautiful like that. Now, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I fear the admiring populace will exceed the speed limit in their tribute. I’m modest, I am, and I don’t want them to make too much of a fuss over me. It'll be just my luck to totter down the gang- plank, after lugging around a couple of tons of officer's baggage, plunge through the cheering crowds with my German helmets, walk out to Broadway, stop in some glittering ice cream saloon with a wad of beaucoup francs big enough to choke a trench mortar and be told my money is no good—that because of my work in saving the world for Democracy, the coca colas are on the house. That'll make me mad, I can tell you. Or I'll walk into Mrs. Childs’ Salley Monzhay, order up about 6000 sous’ worth of food, eat it, and wiping my face with my service-striped sleeve, ask of the sweet young thing at the cashier’s desk aon d that each could draw’ his t7 There was some litle diff the Captain called him in. Frederick, Mary been his tickets. Ain't you got no manners all?” Then I'll have to trot up to the window in how much it’s going to set me back, only to be told in accents low: “Oh, that’s all right. We don’t expect you boys who've been over there licking the Germans to pay for their food.” I know I won't be able to stand that But maybe I'll have enough corn willy and hard tack left out of my travel rations to appease my appetite. So I'll stroll up to the Summer Garden to find out if Al Jolson’s got any new songs about the war. Once again I'll pull out my roll of fr nes that there are only about fifty ahead of me instead of a thousand like there usu- ally are at mess. By the time I get fixed, the lobby guard will spot me and just naturally scare a year’s growth out of me with something like this: “Hey, you big boy, come right up here at the head of this line. Where do youse guys get that stuff, making a soldier what’s Many a shaft at random sent Finds mark the archer little meant N, Wearuenty, Pilot Royal Air Force, Canada And many a smile from a lassie kind Is not for you, but the man behind! 26 This Week's Best Service Joke The Law Knows No Geography By Mas. Joun H. Bow: . 8. AL Al COLORED infantry organizatic being mustered out and the company commander sent the home address of every man to the Quartermaster, “Jackson, you gace your home address as Prince land, and the Quartermaster claim that there is mo such place as Prince Frederick, ver there fighting for you wait to get at Deck front of all those staring people, just because I’m wearing an overseas cap and have a couple of service stripes on my sleeve. If I do recover from my embarrassment enough to look the ticket- man in the eye and ask for two aisle seats, in the Car front row, I don’t want him to smile and come at J me thus: “I'm sorry, sir, but we don’t have an aisle C seat left. But I tell you what I'll do, seeing as w you've just come back from over there, I'll call up Mr. So and So who has the two on the end in the center and make him give them up. He'll turn ’em over gladly when I tell him who they’re t for.” ' If I don’t collapse under that and manage to iu blurt out: “Com Bien?" he'll answer back, 1 , know: “Oh, we wouldn’t think of making sol- diers pay. You fellows just back from over there Cu are our guests. It’s little enough to do for the & men who fought and died for us. [ only wish | I could of gone but they wouldn’t take me. 1 had pimples.” These things will be hard on me and on a lot of other guys I know. But I believe we could be prevailed on to accept free eats and free drinks and free shows and maybe, for just one night, free hospitality at some swell hotel. That, however, is the limit So I warn you folks: Don’t overdo it Even a soldier can be pushed just so far and no farther, ‘ This Wonderful Nation By sem. ALG. Vas Devearen, U.S. Ay HIS wonderful nation Made civilization All over Creation A safe proposition! Fe Our organization And co-operation Made a mean combination With our ammunition The Hun population And Kaiser's relation Soon showed indication oO Of weakened condition - Demobilization A great old sensation Is the situation For which we are wishin’ The Learned Major and the Lowly Private By Poo. D. A, Baino, A. E. B., Prance | Major—My boy, what do you intend doing when you get out of the army? | Private—Stay out, sir. comicbooks.com