Judge — May 3, 1919 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

His Experience Longer By Waiuas Res Buscx, 0. 8. A. A™ AJOR in a stevedore regiment employed one of his men to take care of his horses and do little chores around the yard. One day Sam came into the Major's office and he was some agitated man. After he had saluted, he ex- claimed: “Major, I want to be relieved from dis hyar job, right now!” The Major asked him why he didn’t want the job any more. “Major, that thar job is good enuff, but I just along with yo’ all wife. Seems every time I goes down to t thar house, she puts me to doin’ all kinds a chambermaid work, and a naggin’ at me all a ther time, too. Then it was the Major's turn. “Sam, been living with that woman for thirty-odd now and if there is going to be anyone relieved, it's going to be me.” can’t seem to get Too Appreciative Ry Prt. A. A. Botosas, ‘ I'vt. Jones happened to be in ranks for the first time the day that the regiment was reviewed by the colonel. Everything went well until the regiment band played while the men were at attention, At the end Private Jones started clapping his hands in applause. He got K. 1 duty for six Sundays. What the Army Taught Us By Pov, Wasast Aunsar Corre, Co. K, 62nd Inf. mp Singing. That the well-known sun does rise in the East That man is a domestic animal. That he can make beds. That he can wash dishes. To envy civilians. That all men are vain. More mirrors were used with the first issue of “over- sea’’ caps than ever saw service on Zaster Sunday. That bread can be eaten with or with- out butter—as the mess sergeant prefers. Thaj parade rest doesn’t mean rest at all. That I have a right hand. That it is possible to have 78, different muscles ache at the same time. That a pass in the pocket is worth six in the orderly room, That the poet who wrote “ Man wants but little here below nor wants that little long” Put more than poetry in his song. This Week’s Best Service Joke So Much Depends Upon So Much By Pvt. Cw etl. Warre, U t. Buck Private (toriting lier in dugout) Is today the eenticth or the teenty-first? Corrorat—Of what? Legislation Both Ways By Por. Sruvexren Horraas, Signal Corps, San Benito, Tez A drafted soldier was complaining of the delays in discharging—especially as applied to himself. “Tt takes an Act of Congress to get a guy out,” he said to a crowd in the canteen, looking for sympathy. A doughboy who wore a star above his three service stripes, soon quieted him, “Tt took an Act of Congress to get you in.” Sick Ry Prt. J. Ricuanp Garrver, U. 8. A. you very sick with the flu, Rastus?” Man, Ah was so sick mos’ ebery night Ah look in dat er casualty list for mah name.” The Stranger By Cartan E.G. Kren, if. C4 € OTHER, there’s a strange man knocking, Knocking on the kitchen door! He has piles of things about him, Strewn upon the back porch floor!” “Ty “Run, my child, and say unto him, Say unto him, ‘Go away I’ve no time to bother with him, Ive too much to do today.” Then the daughter chased herself back, Chased herself back to the door, Where a tired man leaned forlornly, Souvenirs strewn o’er the floor. Why The Transport Was Overdue uy U9. Hasson, U.S. 8. America off on the forward hatch. r.” the child said to the strange man, Said unto him—yes, she did—! “We don’t care to buy a thing, sir! Woofed the tired man, “Hello, k “I'm your dad, you've never looked on!”” Never looked on! It was true. ‘Then she ran and grabbed a port “Surely right, dad! This is you Hearing voices came the mother, Came the mother then to see. Something in the stranger’s husky Voice just made her come to sec. Down the aisles of mem’ry wandered— Mem'ry wandered—yes, it did! This loud soldier on the back porch, This sleeve-gilded man—his kid? “Are you Henry? What's your number?” Got his number—G-2 stuff! And ol’ Henry had the number; He was home without a bluff. ars I've been away, Maude, clime. 16 sleeve stripes!” jod knows it’s time!” ight long y Been away, in every Now I'm home, d Spoke up Maud Satisfied he was her long-lost, Long-lost hubby, then did Maude Open up her home unto him, Hear his ventures—did applaud. Now he lives with those who love him, Love him, though his accent’s odd; Half the time he speaks in German, Polak, Turkish, Hodgi-Pod. Saying “nicht wahr? when it’s n'est ce pas, And “Ja wohl” when he means “ ye But he’s taking English lessons, And he'll get along, we guess. A Hustler By Liecr. Geonde T. Houmes, U. A. In response to numerous inquiries, we wish to explain that a “gold brick” is a person in uniform who gets out of more than he gets into, and gets into less than he gets out of, and gets out and gets.