Judge — May 3, 1919 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Driven by B. B. How em you know the kind, regular sleep- a good night's sleey hounds. He mentions it when he returns. “But, dear, there isn’t any bed,” his wife tells him. “No bed,” he mumbles. ‘No bed. Surely you are joking.” - : “No. The bed has been sent to be refinished. You will have to sleep on the couch tonight; maybe several nights.” The couch is one of those awful things which has insidiously wormed its way into an otherwise happy home. It should never have been purchased in the first place, but there were illustrations in the advertise- ment which clinched the bargain. One of these pic- tures portrayed a man actually asleep on one. Around him was a group of his relatives trying to wake him up. But so powerful was the sleeping effect of the couch upon the sleeper that he could not open even one eye. He just had to sleep on and let the noise run riot. It was a beautiful picture. So the couch was bought and once or twice it had been tried as a means of seeking rest. The mattress was one of those impressionable ones that register the slightest protuberance or cavity. It absorbed the entire pattern of the wire spring beneath it and faithfully transmitted it to whomsoever lay upon the mattress. The whole thing had a decided con- vex surface, rendering it next to impossible for anything to stay on it for any length of time. It is upon this, then, that the man of the house must woo Morpheus. He sighs and sa “Very well; where is it?” And when he learns that even that is in the attic, he feels that his cup is not only running over, but has attained the propor- tions of a pitcher. Drawn by E. B. Hooven “T-can’t see why they don’t begin the revolution at a reasonable hour; the soup’s been cold every night this week.” Evotution or THE Movies But why go on and enumerate the sufferings of man in the vernal season? ‘They are too many. Home will never be the same to him again. Because the seating plan will be entirely altered when the different things come back, glistening with paint and varnish. Old familiar cushions whose cavities were known and loved will be stuffed up to an insufferable bloatedness. The rough place under the arm of the easy chair where he was wont to scratch a match is now a varnish glacé. He will feel so cut up about it all that he won't mind much when his wife announces that he is to partake of sulphur and molasses three days on, and three off. Their Indefinite Purpose “What ‘peared to be coming off at your house last night, Gap?” inquired a neighbor, “1 could hear the hooraw plumb over to my plac “T can’t presizely say.” replied Gap Johnson, | of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. "A passel of fellers came snoop- ing around.a spell after dark, and began to cut capers th might have meant ‘most anything. I waited a while to sce what was going to take place, but after they'd yelled right smart, ripped off some of the siding, broke a winder or two, and such as that, I crope out the back door with my gun, and sorter sprayed it amongst ‘em. They away so quick that I didn’t find out whether it was a serenade or the White Caps, or—yaw-w-w-wn!—what.”” ound went The Point of View “Coming their shadows before them.” said the Optimist “IT suppose that is why the future is always so dark,” sighed the Pessimist. events — cast Quick Worker “ft took thousands of years to build the pyramids. “Ye-ah,” said the movie carpenter. “And I gotta duplicate the job for next week's film.”