Judge — April 26, 1919 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A. Digest of the Worlds Hasnor ‘z ANY DARKYISMS The Biggest Show —For about an hour Aunt Mirandy’s three dusky off spring had been “pestering” her to take them to the circus. The big tents had just been pitched three or four blocks away, and there was great excitement in the neighborhood. “Now, you all go on away,” com nded Aunt Mirandy. “LE gotta work to buy yo’ grub an’ yo' clo’s. [ain't got no time to take yo" nowheres.” “Den ask pappy to take us,” pleaded one of the youngsters. “Huh! Yo" pa ain't got no intrus all. No, suh!” ‘Then, ded contemptuously, jon for no circus a-tall, after a pause, s “He ain't got de slightes’ ambi no circus since he done hab de delirious trembles." —.Vew York Globe. Why He Doesn't Hear It “This is the fourth morning you've been late, Rufus,” said the man to his colored chauf- four “Ves, sah." repli sleep myself sah.” Where's that clock I gave you?” “In m’ room, sth.” “Don’t you wind it up “Oh, yes, sth. [winds it up, sth”? And do you set the alarm?” y night, sah, I set deal ! Rufus. “TP did sath “But don’t you hear the alarm in the morning, Rufus?” “No, sah. Dere’s de trouble, sah. Yer sce de blame thing goes off while I'm asleep, sah!"’—Vonkers Statesman. A Military Secret—“Where do you ne from in the States?” inquired a Y M.C. A. worker of an American darkey “You'll have to pardon me, sah, but the captain tells me not to divulge no valuable military information.”—AMinne apolis Tribune Very Different them ready tod, Attributable to War News—(Con- versation on Monday morning between the rural editor and the colored porter.) Editor—Well, Charles, did you go to church yesterday? Porter—-Vessat go to church. I’se one ob de pillers ob de church. Editor —What did your minister preach about? Porter Well, boss, I ketch de applercation ob de connection, but it wuz sumpin’ erbout de Pe Paul pintin’ de pistle to de ‘Fezians Philadel phia North- merican, oss, yessah; 1 allus *zactly Mining—“ Well, Rastus, I hear you are working again, What business are you engaged in?” Tse done be engaged in de mining business, sah.” “What kind of mining are vou doin, gold, silver or diamonds?” “Pse doing kalsomining, sah.”"—St Louis Globe-Democrat. TOUGH-HIDES Painful Reminder—*Convict No. wants to be moved to another cell.” What's the trouble? asked the arden, He says the man in the Jjoining cell hazes him.” “We don’t allow anything like that in this prison.” “T know it’s against the rules, but No 763 was sent up for bigamy and he says whenever there isn’t a guard around the fellow next to him hums a wedding march.""—Birmingham Age-Herald. How to Get a Job—" Your creden are satisfactory,” said a manufacturer to a youth who was applying for a situ aselerk. “Have you a grandmother “Any dear old aunt.” “Or great aunts?” “Or any other relatives who will be likely to die during the 1918-19 footba'l season? No, sir.” pull do. You can start work to: Detroit Free Press. morrow.” Marvels of Nature—“The cuitle fish,” remarked the zoologist. “when it becomes agitated scatters ink and slips rkness.”” exclaimed the “The fountain pen of igton Star. away in the “ Wonderfu spots on his vest. the sea!’ — ash man with Needed IMlustrations—" What did the critics think of Seribson’s latest movel?” “Not much! One said it might be a good book to read in a train if there were plenty of charming scenery to look at Pittsburg Chron long the route ‘elegraph. i | [