Judge — April 19, 1919 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by G. B. Ixwooo Tue Sprerr or tHe Ties From Our Own Correspondent at the Peace Conference By Citerorp H. 4 RIS, March 25—Hubub Ginn Phiz, Sympore of Nottejit, arrived here today to attend the Peace Conference accompanied by sixty-two of his favorite wives and his military aides. The general opin- ion is that the latter will come in handy, as it will not be much of a peace conference for the distinguished Hubub. General Hiccough Bustovich, representing three of the eighty-seven different factions in Russia, left for home yesterday. As everyone had an engagement when he called around he said he couldn’t wait any longer. For the past month he has been selling candles to make expenses, eating those which he couldn’t get rid of. As his government refused to ship him the treasury, he was unable to meet prevailing Paris prices and so de- cided to depart. Before leaving he said: ‘1 am in favor of a League of Nations with a playing season of 140 games. Russia will be at a disadvantage as the umpire will never be able to pronounce our line-up. I am also in favor of peace—if no bombs are available. Lend me a dollar.” The well-known Americans, Mr. and Mrs. Wilson, accompanied by their friend Colonel House, made a week-end trip to Scotland for a few rounds of golf. They stopped at the Hotel Hootmon and visited the home of Bobbie Burns, that well-known wit and poet, may we not so call him? Mr. Wilson will be recalled as a former resident of Princeton, New Jersey. The party met some very nice people during their sojourn and were pleas- antly received by the na- tives. Mr. Wilson wore kilts throughout his stay. Paris, after four long years of war, is Gay Paree once again with its merry laughter and variety of colors; the African, Jap- anese and Arabian dele- gates have recently ar- rived. The restaurant proprietors and hotel own- ers are said to have peti- a 2) == Drawn by Ray Rows How it feels to roll “ Big Pir Kippinc Hissere HoLLanDER tioned the French government to propose holding the Peace Conference elsewhere. They are averse to having so many distinguished visitors hanging around spending money recklessly when everybody should save to help pay off the huge debt incurred by the war. Filet de Mignon, the distinguished hatboy of the Café de Brie, states authoritatively that the peace delegates will not grant autonomy to Nocushtan. This is believed to be of great importance, as the people live mostly on goat’s milk and water-cress. Therefore if their diet were to be changed they might suffer a gteat internal upheaval. He says there may be a constituent assembly called there, but fails to state how much it will cost to call it. The current opinion here is that a hot wave from America is liable to arrive. William Jennings Bryan is undecided whether he will make the trip or not. You cabled me to interview Lloyd-George. I interviewed Lloyd but George could not be located. It is believed that he has not yet arrived. Jack Pershing rode into town the other day from his country estate and told me that fishing was un- usually good along the Rhine despite the inclement weather and time ef year, but that the hunting had fallen off considerably since last season as most of the big game had fled inland. They still allow tipping the waiter, the hatboy, the bellhops, the taxi drivers, etc., in Paris, besides fav- oring the latest American ragtime songs and dances. Yet some people think the war was fought so that the world would be a fit place in which to live. At the present prices, it looks as if this burg alone will take in as much money as the United States has loaned the Al- lies before the peace dele- gates get ready to figure out how best to pay us back. In the meantime I am driving anopen-facecab Ducks” until your check arrives. mediately atter rolling “