Judge — April 19, 1919 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A. Digeol of the Vorlds Umar Ca MATRIMONY Figures Never Lie—In January, 1010, there were, in the United States, 62,683 single men insane and 26,047 married men insane—which shows that the crazy men stay single. At the same time there were 37,115 single women insane and 75 married women insane—which yroves that in January, 1010, married life made more women crazy than it did men, And the more you study these figures the crazier it makes you.—Jour- nal of the American Medical Association The Penalty—“ How about that tele- phone girl who married for love? “The line's still busy.” “What do you mean?” “She's doing the family washing.” Birmingham Age-Herald. Memory Aids—Bil/—What are those two strings ticd around your fingers for? Gill—Why, my wife tied one of them this morning to remind me to buy her something at the store. The other one is to remind me not to tell I forgot it.”— Yonkers Statesman. Ouch!—“ Gosh!”’cxclaimed Mr. Ga “Just look at the face on Mr. Did ‘er sce such a horel your life?” “Hush, my dear,” smiled Mrs. Gabb, sweetly. ‘ou forget. yourself!” —Cin- cinnati Inquirer. yboi » man in nu © Admitting It—‘ You've got no kick about my extravagance. You were crazy to marry me.” “T realize that now, ville Courier-Journal. Louis- * said he.- “Our Representative” Lady—He's on active service. hat about the ac -m. r, then “He's on a holiday “Well, the accounta “He's inspecting th “What's bece Young Lady Sydney Bulletin country branch.” the bi (with dignity)—I am here Success From Failure—‘ She wanted to marry him for his money “Did she fail?” “No; he failed, and she married some Topeka Journal. one else. A Fair Proposition—Mrs. Peck—My first husband never acted like you. Henry Peck—Well, if you can persuade him to come back, I'm willing to exc! places with him.—Boston Transeri Different—Gramercy—So your wife is going to sue for a divorce. Did she mec? her affinity while away in the coun- try? Park—No. When she came back she met mine.—Vetroit Free Press. H E L P Not Much—“Does the Missus’ econ- omy make much difference to you?” asked the new servant. “She s we've got to be saving, so we're to ‘ave margarine with meals in the kitchen,” replied the old cook. “Doesn't she have it, then?” “Not her. She says as ’ow it doesn’t suit her digestion. But there ain’t noth- ing wrong with her digestion. We know that, for we often sends ‘er up margarine, and ‘ave butter ourselves." —Detroit Free Press. > His Sense of Duty—“ Wh vou so sleepy around the office? “It’s my sense of duty, boss.” “Huh?” “Tlie awake too much at night thinking about my work."—Louisville Courier- Journal. t_ makes Mistaken Notion — Mistress — Are you married? Maid—No, ma’am. 1 bumped into a door.—London Ideas. Food for Thought—"I'm a bit sus- picious of this new maid.” “Why, my dear? Didn’t she bring a letter of recommendation? “Oh, yes, a strong letter of recommen- dation, but it was written by the husband of her former mistress.”—Rirmingham Age-Herald. Exultant Jane—M istress—Why don't you bring in the plum-pudding, Jane? Jane (exultingly)—We couldn’t get the brandy to light, mum; but it’s all right now; we poured a little kerosene over it. —London Tit-Bits.